Warning: spoilers ahead

This one hurts.

“Love Hurts” leapt into theaters Friday, begging stunt specialist Jonathan Eusebio to stick the landing with a couple Oscars sweethearts leading his directorial debut. Sweet, humble realtor Marvin (Ke Huy Quan) hides his past as a merciless fixer for crime-lord Knuckles (Daniel Wu) – who happens to be his brother. At the height of his new life, a Valentine’s Day card from the supposedly dead Rose (Ariana DeBose) brings his past life knocking, forcing him and his will-they-won’t-they accomplice to step out of hiding and take down the syndicate together, launching them on a romantic action-comedy adventure that Universal Pictures undoubtedly hopes will fill seats this Valentine’s Day.

In some ways, this movie is perfect for prospective moviegoing lovebirds. It is an action-comedy with neither artful action nor compelling comedy, creating plenty of opportunities for audiences to disengage and schmooze if they so choose. For everyone going alone, however, there is little to enjoy, despite the sincere starpower on the screen.

Just three years ago, DeBose appeared on the Oscars stage to receive a statuette for Best Actress in a Supporting Role in “West Side Story.” Her message to the audience was simple: Dreams come true. One year later, she would tear up as she presented Quan with his own Oscar for Best Supporting Actor in the zeitgeist-defining “Everything Everywhere All at Once.” From the Oscars stage, he would remind the audience to believe in dreams.

Apparently, dreams have an expiration date.

DeBose is currently experiencing one of the worst, yet most prolific, post-Oscars film careers in modern memory. She features prominently in this winter’s Sony superhero stinker “Kraven the Hunter,” is the lead voice actor for the dour Disney centennial celebration “Wish” and even managed to sneak into Amazon original foodie film “House of Spoils,” which reviewed even worse than the aforementioned punching bags. Quan’s on-screen appearances have fared better in the realm of television, but he has only returned to the silver screen for a minor voice role in “Kung Fu Panda 4,” leaving a limited impression after his career-defining Oscars win.

Even with these diminishing career trajectories, bringing the starpower of Quan and Debose together for “Love Hurts” makes plenty of sense. Quan is a particularly good choice, with a proven ability to bring heart to zany action-comedy shenanigans. With the stunt coordinator for “Black Panther” and “Deadpool 2” in the director’s chair, one should hope that Quan’s energy and DeBose’s electric talent make for an exciting ride.

They do not. Their romantic chemistry is paper thin, forcing the filmmakers to include intrusive narration to fill the storytelling and interpersonal gaps. Rose is meant to be an alluring, sassy companion to Marvin – which works until she begins cutting off a hostage’s fingers. And the characterization of Marvin as a ho-hum, lovely man with a sinister dark side is confusing and narratively unrewarding. He is living the dream of most moviegoers in this economy – a successful job, a beautiful home and a robust social life with people who care about him – and there is little joy in watching his return to his old, sadistic ways.

In seeking a balance between the dingy cruelty of its plot and goofy quirks of its characters, the film creates a murky mess where neither thrive. The hitman Raven (Mustafa Shakir) falls in love with Marvin’s assistant (Lio Tipton) after she compliments his deeply adequate poetry, then turns a couple grunts into confetti with his wrist blades a few scenes later. Crimelord Knuckles has a humorous obsession with boba tea but also stabs Hollywood sweetheart Sean Astin’s eye out with the straw. Half an hour later, Marvin stabs a man 10 times out of rage just a day after baking his clients heart-shaped cookies. These confused dynamics are simply incongruous and a storytelling mess, leading to neither tense stakes nor loveable characters.

But an action film lives and dies by its stunts. On paper, the scenes of this film are solid, with several sequences set in ubiquitous home or office settings and taking full advantage of the improvised weaponry available. Quan is using pillows, cookie cutters and garden gnomes to deliver his blows, and there are a few sweet surprises throughout the choreography. But the camera work diminishes the action substantially, cutting so frequently that hits lose impact and the choreography becomes lost in the noise. And it rarely feels like Quan or his hitman colleagues take the hits. Instead, it’s as if a stunt actor is taking the blow, with their face always perfectly obscured by a carefully chosen camera angle, breaking the immersion.

Even with an unoriginal plot, “Love Hurts” should have a few things to love. But it feels as though no one behind the camera brought their A-game, leaving behind any potential this film once had. It has a few laughs – all of which are spoiled in the trailer – and it has a couple solid action sequences, but this is nowhere near enough to make the film worth seeing. With this, the dream of a bombastic return to the action stage dies for Quan, and DeBose’s post-Oscars nightmare continues.

Like Rose, this film should have been left for dead, yet it has emerged to cause havoc and ruin a perfectly good Valentine’s Day.