Her story: ‘It seems like you’re put on trial rather than the other person’
By Kate Parkinson-Morgan
May 1, 2014 1:50 a.m.
TRIGGER WARNING: This article contains descriptions of sexual violence.
“It’s one thing for him to do that to you, but him getting kicked out of school – do you really think that’s fair?”
Veronica* was sexually assaulted in a dorm building by her best friend at the time. He brought her alcohol and lead her to a room, where they started kissing. He pulled out a condom, but she told him she did not want to have sex. He left it on a table, but continued to take off her clothes and get on top of her.
“I get really scared that he’s just going to go ahead without a condom and I’m going to get pregnant and I shut down,” she said.
She did not say anything. She did not scream. She did not fight.
He was her best friend and she trusted him, she said.
“It was fight or flight, and I don’t know about you, but I was never taught to fight my friend,” she said.
Afterward, she said she was in denial that the encounter was a sexual assault.
“I was just kind of like ‘We had sex. … That was my fault, I let it get out of control,’” she said.
Veronica has not yet reported the incident to law enforcement or the university. She said she does not want to experience the humiliation of people doubting her story.
“I didn’t want to have to go through that process. Having to tell my story, having my character be questioned,” she said. “(From what I had heard) it seems like you’re put on trial rather than the other person.”
At the time, she knew another woman in her friend group was a survivor of sexual assault and had reported to the university. She confided in her friend about the assault, and they would talk about how rape is not something you can ever really “get over,” how hard it is to speak about openly, how people do not believe it was rape if there was alcohol involved.
But her friend would still mention her assailant in conversation. Her friend would often spent time with Veronica’s assailant, and often talk to her about hanging out with him.
“I told her expecting understanding,” Veronica said. “I felt like ‘Here’s a person who knows what’s it’s like to go through this,’ and she didn’t.”
Some of her other friends warned her that if she reported, it would turn into a “he said, she said” situation.
One friend told her, “It’s one thing for him to do that to you, but him getting kicked out of school – do you really think that’s fair?”
“So it was just felt better stay quiet,” she said.
She continued to think about reporting, but said she felt the lack of evidence and the fact that she and her assailant were both intoxicated at the time of assault would not work in her favor.
*A pseudonym was used in order to protect the identity of the survivor. It is the Daily Bruin’s policy not to publish the names of the survivors of rape or sexual assault unless specifically instructed otherwise by the survivor.
