What you’re about to read is a formula for how to succeed in life ““ a culmination of four years of learning.

It’s graduation season: a time when departing students reminisce about their years of undie running, exam cramming and days of waking up not remembering what happened the night before. And, oh yes, they ponder the question of finding a job after graduation. But in this economy, perhaps it’s a more difficult question to answer than before.

Watching the latest gubernatorial ad campaigns reminds me of “The Simpsons” episode in which Bart joins a boy band whose songs repeat subliminal messages. The similarity between the episode and the ads isn’t so much how the candidates for governor resemble the show’s characters (although Steve Poizner does look somewhat like Milhouse). It’s more that the lesson the episode teaches (and with “The Simpsons” there’s always something educational) can be applied to the tactics of the ad campaigns currently running.

As Bruins, we can each come up with a long list of reasons why we chose to attend UCLA over other schools, especially that one school across town.

The relationship between the United Nations and Iran is analogous to that of a mother trying to correct her rebellious child with futile threats and punishments.

Like the making of a sequel to an already bad movie, Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger’s plan to privatize and build prisons in Mexico for undocumented inmates is beginning to sound like we’re in for “Guantanamo Bay: Part II” starring the Governator himself.

We’ve all done it. Secretly we take pleasure in laughing at celebrities’ antics caught on camera while ashamedly admitting to our friends that the news we’ve just learned is due to our trusty media source, TMZ. In fact, it’s almost as good as Ashton Kutcher’s Punk’d, with the added punch line that the celebrities are actually aware of the cameras surrounding them.

As was the feeling among almost all students by the end of fall quarter, I felt I had endured enough of book-learning and memorization to last me up to the new year.

Time for another application. No, not the kind that goes on your iPhone. I’m talking about the kind of application we have dreaded since we were 17 or 18 years old.

Say goodbye to hopes of graduating soon and hello to additional quarters as an undergraduate and as a member of the unemployed community.