One of my favorite scenes in “Fight Club” is when
Tyler Durden drags a convenience store cashier behind the store,
puts a gun to his head and asks him what he wanted to be when he
was in college.

If Darth Vader ran for president he would be a Republican. Think
about it. Vader spent most of the original trilogy building an
enormous weapon called the Death Star that could destroy planets
with a single blast in order to expand his empire and control the
entire galaxy.

According to conservative author Ann Coulter in her book
“Treason,” “the fundamental difference between
liberals and conservatives is conservatives believe man was created
in God’s image; liberals believe they are God.” If
that’s the case, Coulter will have difficulty explaining why
conservatives went berserk playing God last week ““ acting as
the almighty arbiters of right and wrong by trying to censor, sue,
or attack any form of popular entertainment that criticized or
opposed conservative viewpoints.

Every time I sit down to write a column, I get a bad feeling.
You see, I’m a liberal college student, and I want to
influence people and make the world a better place with my writing,
but most students at UCLA already agree with me.

It’s hard to care about politics. I know because I’m
a political science student, and there are times when I get bored
out of my mind studying politicians, analysts, pundits, pieces of
legislation, court rulings, executive orders, treaties, secretaries
of state, primaries, caucuses, delegates, districts and vetoes.

Do you have priority enrollment? I certainly don’t.
Despite being a senior with only two classes needed to graduate, I
didn’t have my first pass until Thursday morning, after many
third-years, second-years and, gasp, first-years had already
enrolled.

I picked up the paper on Monday and read about the overwhelming
stupidity of UCLA students, faculty and administration in their
decision to bring in and then likely remove a vending machine kiosk
at the cost of $100,000.

Life is too short to spend time doing certain things.
For young lovers, life is too short to stay in a relationship
that’s grown stale and lifeless.

I would like the title of my article to be “Frat guy says
no dorks allowed” or something like that. Hi everyone. My
name is Mike Dupecheck.

Most UCLA students don’t have a lot of options or devote a
lot of thought to which city they are going to live in.
For the first one or two years of school they grace the halls of
the dorms, plow down grilled cheese sandwiches and jello in the
dining halls, and benefit from having a lot of people their age
around them.