I saw a display at the student store selling sweatshirts that
said, “My Weiner Does Tricks.” No wonder mine can only
play dead.
It is much debated whether the openness and saturation of sexual
discussion in our culture is destroying our moral values.

In order to ride a high horse for any considerable length of
time without getting sore, you need a fancy saddle. A group of
righteous high horse hobbyists on campus has chosen the accusation
of murder as theirs.

“Abstainer, n: a weak person who yields to the temptation
of denying himself a pleasure.” ““ The Devil’s
Dictionary, by Ambrose Bierce.
Our typical drunk bore, and the binge culture he symbolizes,
fits this definition to a tee.

INDIANAPOLIS “”mdash; What UCLA did to the University of Memphis
Tigers on Saturday is sure to attract the attention of PETA.
Almost every analyst had picked the Bruins to lose.

Arnold Schwarzenegger has become a girlie-man.
Now I have no problem with cross-dressing, as the traffic
cameras at Hollywood and Vine can attest. In life, it signifies a
charming complexity.

In 1946, George Orwell wrote that political language had hit
rock bottom. Rhetoric has worsened since. What Orwell stomped on
turned out to be the ceiling of a whole lower level.

When it comes to the ever-annoying fight over gay marriage,
never have so many people whined so much over a battle so
pointless.
Personally, I am inclined to support the legalization of any
marriage for the same reason I support the legalization of drugs:
Everyone has a right to self-harm.

If somebody showed up at your door with blood-red skin, hooves,
two horns on his head, holding a triton he used to poke you in the
belly, and said that he supported a particular ballot initiative,
would you vote for it?