“Patrick’s Playbook” is a dating column created by Patrick Woodham, an Opinion columnist and fourth-year African American studies student. In it, he writes about issues related to dating and his own experiences with romance as a UCLA student. Bruins who have an interest in, or experience with, dating are welcome to submit op-eds or letters to the editor to be published as part of this series.

I met a girl at a bar. And on a dating app. Or at a house party. And I went on a date with all of them.

A study by the Institute of Family Studies found that only 31% of young adults ages 22-35 went on a date at least once a month. And 57% of single American adults are not looking for relationships or even casual dates, according to the Pew Research Center.

There are many possible reasons for this. Social media might have ruined our expectations of what a partner or what modern dating looks like. Gen Z is also looking at an unstable world, and the inconsistency that comes with dating feels like an added responsibility, rather than a fun addition to life.

Love and the ability to be vulnerable are two of the most beautiful experiences humans can have. But to experience them, Bruins first have to go on dates.

Students need to be more open to dating casually. Dates don’t have to be perfect – they just need to be fun, something that’s been lost in our generation.

Part of the fun in dating is self-exploration.

“You find out more about yourself, how risk-averse you are, and how nervous you can get, which I think is the fun part about liking someone,” said Davis Favors, a fourth-year theater student. “It’s a different part of yourself that you don’t often see.”

Each new date you go on is a test for compatibility.

This summer, I challenged myself to go on dates back in my hometown, New York City. I wanted to get a firsthand look at the casual dating experience.

I went out with a girl who talked the entire date. A different girl only spoke when I asked her a question. Dating people in between these opposites has helped me discover that I love when the other person is talkative, so I have material to work with, rather than being stuck in my own head thinking of questions.

Casual dating also alleviates the pressure of looking for a serious partner.

Roxie Popescu, a fourth-year public affairs student, said dating makes her feel so anxious that it makes her want to vomit. She said she prefers the stability built into a relationship, rather than going on dates and guessing if the other person is as into her as she is into them.

Going on dates feels intense because of the uncertainty of the outcome of the date and the seriousness we, as a society, have attached to them.

Social media platforms like Instagram and TikTok heighten this by showing long-term couples in a way that conditions us to think relationships are plentiful, happy and destined to happen to us. There’s an innate pressure in the idea that casual dating is useless, unless we are looking for a long-term partner.

Abhiram Singh, a fourth-year physiological science student, said his social media feeds often show him romantic pictures of couples traveling the world.

“It definitely warped what my image of dating was supposed to be,” he said.

Social media adds pressure to every date students go on. It makes us think each one has to be evaluated under a microscope for relationship viability. We expect dates to look and feel a certain way. When they don’t, we feel an internal pressure that the other person is not perfect, or what we might have imagined.

Dating should instead be about how much fun you have with the person sitting across from you in the moment. Students, like most young people with minimal dating experience, do not know what they want. Fun should be the only parameter.

Others might say casual dating is time-consuming, or that being picky is more efficient in the long term. But going on casual dates allows you to find out exactly what you want in a partner and get better at sniffing out those qualities in people immediately. If you have not gone on many dates, what you want in a partner might be superficial, or rooted in things that do not actually affect the quality of the relationship. Casual dating is the only way to truly find out what you truly want.

Fun moments are already so few and far between. Just say ‘yes’ to the next date.