The Quad: Eating alone doesn’t always need to be a lonely experience

This post was updated Nov. 18 at 9:09 p.m.

For some, eating alone can be scarier than riding a Bird full speed down a hill.

The perceived masses of judgmental eyes and the quietness of being alone with your thoughts can be hard to handle. In an effort to avoid this uncomfortable silence, many of us tend to fall into the set norms of dining: I message each of my friend groups or browse my dorm floor, stomach growling, until I eventually find someone to eat with.

When I do have to eat alone, I find myself searching for seats in the corner and glancing around to see if other people are eating alone too.

Stressing over eating alone is something many UCLA students experience in the dining halls, such as Winston Luo, a first-year business economics student.

“I don’t like eating alone,” Luo said. “When you’re eating with people, that’s like a break, but when you eat alone you have no one to talk to and can only think to yourself. Oftentimes it’s pretty lonely. I feel like when you eat alone in a public place people judge you.”

This all-too-common problem is something students shouldn’t have to experience. After all, many of us have busy schedules and need to eat whenever we can. By understanding the stigma surrounding eating alone and working to relinquish this fear, one can enter a dining hall with confidence and fully embrace the pleasure of not eating with anyone.

Where does the stigma come from? One contribution could be the overall misunderstanding of introversion. People who are busy or introverted may choose to eat alone, but don’t want to be judged as shy or awkward.

This concept is heavily enforced in high school, in which school lunches are held in a common space.

Erika Campos, a fourth-year political science student, said she quickly noticed the difference when she entered college. Campos said that because she was used to eating with friends in high school, she felt uncomfortable eating alone during her freshman year and would always go with a friend.

The media’s portrayal of high school environments also contributes to the stigma by presenting eating alone as a symbol of exclusion. Almost everyone has seen “Mean Girls” and witnessed Cady, the new girl, struggling to find a spot at lunch on her first day and munching sadly on a sandwich in a bathroom stall. These scenes became hallmarks of high school anxieties. Teen movies, TV shows and books propagate the idea that eating alone is awkward and demoralizing.

In college, however, eating alone is a necessity as schedules are busier and often out of sync with friends’.

Annie Jeong, a second-year psychology student, agrees that it can be a necessity to eat lunch on your own terms.

“I feel like scheduling time to eat with someone is difficult sometimes, especially if you’re busy and you have class during normal eating times,” Jeong said.

It takes some getting used to, but this transition doesn’t mean loneliness and impending doom. Take Campos, who said that while she felt uncomfortable in the beginning, she now enjoys eating alone.

Being in college and having more control over one’s lifestyle leads to the regular occurrence of eating alone. But, more importantly, it signifies a transition into adulthood and the independence it brings.

In actuality, those who eat alone can experience increases in comfort, awareness and acceptance of themselves.

Megan Bruneau, a therapist and executive coach who studies loneliness, told The New York Times about the benefits of eating alone. Bruneau said that those who eat alone become aware of their own needs. With that awareness, they are more likely to practice self-care and be compassionate with themselves.

While eating alone, one can focus on themselves and what they choose to do and eat, and in turn, understand their personal values and pleasures.

“I appreciate being able to eat alone if that’s going to be one of the few times I get to be alone for the day,” Jeong said. “For instance, if you’re packed with doing things, then that might be the only time for yourself that you get.”

So whether it’s on the patio by Café 1919 or smack in the center of Bruin Plate on a poke bowl night, don’t be afraid to enjoy a meal by yourself now and then.

It’s a chance to eat exactly when, where and how you want to eat, as you relish in the company of the one who understands you best: you.

Video by:

Jessica Wong

MacKenzie Coffman

Music:

“Fun Day” by BENSOUND

Featured students in order they appear: Nyah Alexander, first-year world arts and cultures student; Divine-Faith Johnson, first-year political science student; Luis Sanchez, first-year sociology student; Adam Vuilleumier, second-year computer science student