Candidates need more exposure
May 9, 2007 9:05 p.m.
According to the Daily Bruin, only 28 percent of undergraduates voted in the last undergraduate student government elections. Not even enough to get a true winning majority.
In search of a reason as to why students don’t vote in Undergraduate Students Association Council elections, I asked my friend the other day why he thinks students don’t vote:
“USAC is boring,” he replied.
“Politics are boring,” I said.
“No, politics are fun. College politics are boring ““ no sex scandals, previous marriages or illegitimate children,” he said.
“So if students knew who the candidates were sleeping with, they might vote?” I asked.
“They might know their names, which is a start,” he replied.
“Who are you voting for?” I asked.
“Uh, I’m not voting,” he said.
“Why?” I asked.
“Uh, because USAC’s boring?” he replied.
“But voting makes a difference. For instance, if students never vote in state elections, then the government will have no real interest in lowering tuition, or even attempting to not increase it,” I said.
“Wow, thanks, Miss Idealism,” he said.
“Whatever, help me choose. Who should I vote for president?” I asked.
“The person who’ll do the worst job. It’ll make for better campus jokes next year. Like if they can’t speak proper English,” he advised.
“Whatever. I’ve narrowed it down ““ Gabe Rose or Gregory Cendana?” I asked.
“Process of elimination ““ is either one married to their cousin?” he asked.
“They’re out,” he said. “You don’t want to vote for someone who’s obviously not going to win.”
“What about external vice president? Some like Jeanalee Obergfell, but Justin Hotter’s way hotter,” I said.
“Yeah, but he was campaigning with his dog. He’s implying he thinks Paris Hilton is cool. You know what USAC needs?” he said.
“What?” I asked.
“A USAC madame ““ someone who knows all of USAC’s dirty fantasies and wants to spill,” he said.
“Yeah, right. That would totally take away from substantive discussions about issues,” I said.
“Exactly. It would be so much more entertaining,” he said
“Would you vote?” I asked.
“If one of them had a foot fetish. I like feet,” he said.
“Michelle Lyon wants to initiate research relationships between students and professors,” I said.
“Hmm, that has potential. I’ll do research with my poly sci professor. She’s hot,” he said.
“But it’s the post-Clinton era. Nobody cares that much about sex scandals anymore,” I said.
“Yeah, but it still makes headline news. And it’s way more interesting than regent meetings,” he said.
“Hey, I have an idea,” he said.
“What?” I asked.
“Marwa Kaisey should start a preemptive war,” he said.
“Against who?” I asked.
“I dunno, the regents? I heard they have something against us,” he said.
“I’m sure. But no reason to start a war,” I reasoned.
“But it’d totally work. Either people would want to keep her in office because she’s a war president, or they’d be so fed up they’d vote for the opposing party,” he said.
“Slate,” I corrected.
“Whatever. It wouldn’t do anything for her reputation, but I bet we’d have the highest voter turnout in history. That way she’d be able to leave office knowing she had accomplished something,” he said.
“Marwa Kaisey isn’t going to start a war,” I said.
“I know. And I’m not going to vote,” he said.
“Who is?” I asked.