Don’t just have sex, make sure it’s good

Sex. About half of UCLA students have it, the rest want it, but
very few make it a priority. And by “sex,” we mean
whatever level of lovin’ you engage in ““ from full-on
missionary to Amish hand holding.

No matter what your opinion, physical closeness happens to
everybody. While it’s true that many of us are saving
ourselves for marriage, some people aren’t ready and a
majority of people just can’t get laid, we have to ask: What
about the rest of us?

The “college experience” is notoriously affiliated
with a wild sex life. But even though we’ve grown up with
movies, friends and Hugh Hefner telling us that anything remotely
related to sex is enjoyable and fun, it seems that it plays a
surprisingly small part in the lives of most UCLA students.

If you’ve ever felt this way in regards to your own love
life, the answer, while rather unfortunate, is that you’re
probably having bad sex ““ and you don’t know it
yet.

Bad sex happens to good people for a number of reasons.

So to all the people who have never had an orgasm, who would
rather roll to the other side of the bed than have a roll in the
hay or who have replaced “oh!” with “ow!”
it’s time for you to realize you’re having bad sex.

Instead of accepting the theories you might have told yourself
to cover up the fact that you don’t enjoy sex (“My
G-spot isn’t in that spot,” “It’s just …
too … small” or the ever-popular “I’ll have to
go to confession immediately afterward”) take it upon
yourself to become the master of the bedroom.

The sex you’ve been having could really be doing much more
for you ““ not to mention the person underneath, on top or on
the other end of you.

If it was “good for you” you should resemble a
senior citizen. You’ll have trouble standing up, you’ll
be short of breath and hopefully you’ll be so exhausted that
you can’t remember your own name.

Before you can have this kind of sex, though, you have to be
able to identify the signs of bad sex. One indicator of bad sex is
a lack of chemistry and connection, which hinders your ability to
express your desires.

Let’s face it ““ while sex isn’t always the
most important thing in a relationship, it’s a pretty big
part of a healthy one. When you can’t discuss the intricate
nuances of Jenna Jameson’s “Dream Quest,”
you’ll probably never achieve the level of excitement that
she and her friends do.

Yet another sign of a less-than-fulfilling lay ““
you’re bored, and your mind is far from the task at hand.

Wondering if your cousin in Ohio voted for Kerry or Bush while
you’re visiting Pleasuretown clearly indicates that
it’s time to get interesting or get out of bed.

Worse than the confusing buttons on your TiVo remote, the
complicated mystery of your private area befuddles even the
greatest sleuths.

The key to having someone else figure out how to push your
buttons is if you have pushed them a couple times yourself. Once
you know what feels good, you can and should verbalize this to your
partner, and maybe if you’re brave enough, you can
demonstrate as well.

There’s nothing wrong with the self-realization of your
body’s potential, and by denying yourself, you’ll only
have that lack of awareness to blame for a bad romp.

So if your last rendezvous didn’t leave you wanting a
rendez-two (an encore performance), something’s definitely
awry. Good sex leaves you wanting more while the bad can deplete
your sex drive and turn you into one of those people who
doesn’t believe sex is that important.

The bottom line is that sex can be amazing, and if you disagree,
it’s time to re-evaluate your knowledge. Whatever level of
activity you engage in, make sure it’s worth your time.

As UCLA students, we already have enough boring homework
assignments and stressful midterms sabotaging all endeavors to have
that “College Experience.”

Life is short, pal ““ so don’t settle for anything
less than a good time.

Grinstead is a third-year who thinks about Harry Potter when
she gets bored making out and who represents all that Amish
hand-holding has to offer. Carey is a third-year who fantasizes
about pirates and thinks that sex is the best topic. Ever. E-mail
them at [email protected] and
[email protected].