Stuck in the winter slump? Leave Westwood ““ explore L.A.

Welcome to the winter slump. Your body is still on winter break,
but your mind is racing, reminding you that the quarter system
waits for no one. You’re tired, cranky and overwhelmed, and
to make matters worse, you’re cold. Southern
California’s one redeeming feature, its weather, is failing
you. New Year’s resolutions and good intentions are a thing
of last week. The end of January brings the inevitable question:
What am I doing here?

Though things may look bleak, there is an answer: Leave Westwood
and embrace Los Angeles.

First of all, Los Angeles is not a city. Rather, it is a
metropolis composed of many different little cities and their
suburbs. Santa Monica, Westwood, Hollywood and Downtown should all
be their own cities, not to mention Beverly Hills, South Central,
etc. The “city” is spread out, the public
transportation is poor, and the only continuity between all of the
regions is an attitude: Hurry up and look cool.

I was able to view this demeanor up close and personal when I
worked afternoons at a coffee shop in Brentwood. I studied at the
feet of the masters ““ those large-breasted women in their
velour sweat suits demanding their soy milk half-caf lattes
immediately, lest they be forced to stand a millisecond longer on
their newly pedicured feet ““ even if it meant harassing me,
their personal coffee-making robot. These women represent the
people who have truly assimilated to L.A. culture.

To emerge yourself in L.A. culture, you must first come up with
your image. This sounds difficult, but it is actually quite simple.
Decide what you like about your body, and proceed to show it off.
Whatever you don’t like, join a gym and fix as much as you
can within about a four-week period. For every stubborn area that
has not changed, get plastic surgery. Maintain your new look by
substituting all of your favorite foods with soy products.

Make sure your car and cell phone are small and shiny. Drive
fast while speaking on your cell phone, and use your horn at every
possible occasion.

Appear interesting. There is no need to actually be interesting
““ just look busy. In fact, the busier you look, the better.
An excellent way to look busy is to yell a lot, because the only
people who yell are those who cannot spare a second to explain
their problem to you in a moderate tone.

And never, ever forget that Los Angeles always has good weather.
If, for some reason, there is a cold day in January, everyone is to
go on acting as if it is still 80 degrees. Continue to purchase
flip-flops and bathing suits throughout the year, wear short skirts
when walking around Westwood at night, and ““ even if you are
shivering ““ jeer at people wearing coats.

The exception to this rule is when an article of winter clothing
comes into style, like the long scarf. Feel free to wear a long
scarf with your short skirt and flip-flops.

You can choose to embrace it or sneer at it, but once you have
mastered the L.A. attitude, the City of Los Angeles becomes much
more interesting.

Though terribly flawed, Los Angeles does contain some spots
beyond Westwood worth exploring. Leave your cold apartment and take
advantage of some things that you won’t take the time to see
once the warm weather returns.

For example, go downtown. It is the only place that actually
feels like a real city. Did you know we even have our own
Chinatown? I have two words for you: untapped resource. Chinatown
is a great place to get authentic Chinese food, and a scene from
“Freak Friday” was even taped in Old Chinatown. I mean,
so I’ve heard; it’s not like I saw it three times.

West Hollywood is another great place to visit. Forget the
Sunset Strip and visit during normal business hours ““ there
are some great streets like Beverly Boulevard and Fairfax Avenue
that go for miles and are covered with restaurants and boutiques we
never hear about. And you will never find more attitude than in
West Hollywood.

Finally, our concert hall may bear the name Disney, but that
doesn’t mean we are lacking all culture (even though it does
mean we are confusing a score of tourists). Between the Walt Disney
Concert Hall, Wilshire Theatre, Dorothy Chandler Pavilion, Kodak
Theatre, Ahmanson Theatre, and The Actor’s Gang Theater, to
name a very few, there are always plays and concerts going on to
suit any taste.

This list is only a starting point, but you get the idea. Take
advantage of these helpful hints for ways to simultaneously combat
the winter slump and help you feel like you have experienced Los
Angeles and not just UCLA.

Davis is a fourth-year communication studies student. E-mail
her at [email protected]. Send general comments to
[email protected].