Potential hits leave this movie critic feeling cold

This past weekend could have been the biggest not-big-movie
weekend ever. “Whaaaa? Kenny’s flipped his lid!”
you might say. But see, check this out.

Though “Red Dragon” and “Sweet Home
Alabama” may have dominated the box office this weekend,
there was a whole plethora, or perhaps better put, a multitude, of
potential sleeper hits. If I had seen any of them, maybe I would be
talking about them now, but “¦ I didn’t. These are the
movies you don’t see opening weekend. But, just because you
didn’t see “Godzilla”-esque media blitzing,
doesn’t mean you won’t be hearing about these more than
one or two weekends down the line. That’s what makes them
sleeper hits, right?

Let’s go over the movies and discuss them a bit.

“Rules of Attraction.” It’s supposed to be a
dark comedy that’s full of lust. It originally had an NC-17
rating for drug-use, sexual content and violence. Though I am an
avid believer of those elements in film, I am so put off by
teenie-weenies James Van Der Beek and Jessica Biel that I
can’t bring myself to watch anything with them in it. For
crying out loud, let’s just make a movie with the entire WB
lineup. Yippee, I just can’t wait to see Reba McIntire or
maybe Hal Fishman making movies. Or maybe that stupid frog with his
top hat parading back and forth. Yay.

“Bowling for Columbine.” This is a film by
semi-famous documentary maker Roger Moore that discusses the
controversial issues of the possession and use of firearms in the
United States. I was sitting here for half an hour trying to think
of something witty to say about it, but “¦ I’ve got
nothing (Actually, I have to be honest, I didn’t try very
hard at all to think of something ““ the most clever thing I
came up with was that I was trying to think of something clever to
say).

Something about real life along with Moore comparing statistics
of gun use and interviewing people makes me really want to see
“Bowling for Columbine,” so, I don’t know, maybe
you should watch it too. It did win the 55th anniversary prize at
the much lauded Cannes Film Festival, so take that for what
it’s worth.

“Punch-Drunk Love.” It stars Adam Sandler, Emily
Watson and Philip Seymour Hoffman and was directed by Paul Thomas
Anderson, who directed “Magnolia,” and “Boogie
Nights.” I never anticipated a movie that would include these
three actors, so the idea of the film caught me off-guard.

“Punch-Drunk Love” is supposed to be a romantic
comedy, so I’m assuming we won’t be seeing any of
Sandler’s contorted faces, or hearing any of his strange
voices. I don’t know what to think of this. I’m wary of
seeing comedians take on more serious roles, though we’ve
seen Sandler leaning towards this career path with “Big
Daddy” and “Mr. Deeds.” But let’s not
forget Jim Carrey, to whom I wish the Academy would give an Oscar
just so he can stop pumping out crap like “The
Majestic,” and get back to doing stupid comedy. Ugh,
I’ve made up my mind, I don’t want to watch
“Punch-Drunk Love.”

“Tuck Everlasting.” Hahahaha. Yea, it’s based
on the children’s book of the same name in which some girl
discovers that her neighbors have a spring that keeps people young
““ no, I haven’t read the book, I read the synopsis
online. I was actually about to watch this when I remembered that
this isn’t 1992, that I am no longer 11 years old, and that
I’m not a schoolgirl reading books like “The Secret
Garden.” So, maybe this movie doesn’t quite belong on
the list.

Well this was just the tip of the iceberg of the not-so-big
movies from this past weekend. There are still movies like
“White Oleander” that can knock people off their feet
and eventually blow away the box office. It would be like “My
Big Fat Greek Wedding” times 10, except this time there are
no Greeks. Yea, yea, yea I know, it was a bad joke, whatever.

Kenny Chang’s film column runs every Wednesday.