Summer film offerings leave movie fan with old rentals

They don’t make summer like they used to.

I remember the buzz of summer from my youth. The days when all I
did was run amok, go swimming, and watch summer movies.

I remember “Forrest Gump,” and saying the line
“stupid is as stupid does” for the longest time. Hell,
I still say “Run, Forrest! Run!” when I see somebody
run by. And it’s still funny.

But why? I don’t think it has to do with our young,
malleable minds, how we were easily influenced by the media, or
things like that. No way, I give myself more credit ““
I’m not that big of a robot, or am I?

But the point is those summer movies were great, and I’ve
come to have high expectations from anything having to do with
summer ““ ice cream, ice cream trucks, ice cream cones,
whatever else is summer-oriented, but most importantly, summer
movies. That’s why I was disappointed with this past
summer.

What came out this summer?

“Scooby Doo.” AHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAH. Yeah,
“Doo” (as in doo-doo) is right. “Men in Black
2.” Yeah, more like “Men in Black, Doo.” (See doo
above). “Austin Powers 3: The Spy Who Shagged Me.”
Yeah, more like “Austin Powers Pee” (sorry, I had to
stretch that one ““ enough with the potty jokes), but
seriously, who could honestly admit that movie was that great? And
get this “¦ Austin Powers 4 is supposed to start filming next
spring.

There were a few OK movies I guess ““ “Minority
Report” was … OK. “Star Wars: Episode 2″ …
was OK. “Spiderman” was pretty OK, but that’s
only because I’m a comic book nerd.

But still, the summer was mediocre at best. So what now? Wait
for winter? Yeah right. The situation is so sad now, I have to rent
movies to be happy. All I do is go to Blockbuster and rent movies
that came out a long time ago in hopes of watching some good
cinema. Either that, or I walk up and down the video game aisles
for some of those “Guaranteed to be in stock” games,
and wait for them to run out of one, and go up and get a free
rental voucher for that game.

For crying out loud, I rented “Out of Africa” the
other day. I might as well rent all of Jane Austen’s
books-turned-into-movies and top it all off with “Little
Women.”

I’ve even resorted to renting movies that I own at home
but don’t have at school, just to watch some decent
filmmaking. Last week I rented “Empire of the Sun” to
watch Christian Bale grow up all over again. And you know what
else? I’ve started to rent TV shows. Get that. I know,
it’s sad.

So what now? Summer was a disappointment, I’m still in a
state of cinematic deprivation, and all I can do is complain or
rent. Damn right I’m going to complain. Gripe, gripe. And
since I now have this nice little column space, feel free to gripe
with me. Or I guess, gripe at me. But still, summer sucked.
‘Nuff said.