Mourners to religion

Up until this point, I think I have avoided the issue of
religion pretty well. But a funeral I attended last weekend in
memory of a departed couple got me thinking.

I assumed we were all there to say goodbye to our friends, to
remember them, to be there for family and for each other,
regardless of religious affiliations.

I certainly didn’t expect to be angered and disgusted at a
funeral.

As we listened to relatives, fellow church members and childhood
friends deliver eulogies as tears ran down my face, the reverend
ascended to the front and began talking in his loud theatrical
reverend voice. He told us not to worry because he truly believes
the deceased husband accepted God into his heart and claimed Jesus
Christ as his savior or whatever.

The fact that he then had the audacity to expect this from all
of us simply transcended my capacity for open-minded tolerance. He
made huge sweeping movements with his arms as if mimicking flames
and falling debris. He assured us that as husband and wife faced
imminent death in their final moments, the husband finally joined
his wife in her unwavering faith in God.

I was shocked at how inconsiderate he was to disregard
independent thought in favor of trying to make a statement about
the redemptive values of Christianity. Whatever happened in the
last few minutes is hardly a suitable topic to debate ““
isn’t it up to us to honor their memory while keeping their
individuality as intact as possible?

We don’t hold loved ones close because they share our
religious beliefs, nor should we push them away if they
don’t. What gives the reverend the right to desecrate the
truth with groundless hypotheses?

And on top of this, the reverend sporadically reminded those of
us who haven’t accepted God into our lives, it’s not
too late, but that we’d better do it soon because it’s
the only way we’ll get to heaven and meet up with our
departed friends again. This is such a cheap shot it makes me want
to gag ““ not to mention counterproductive if the reverend
really thinks he can somehow win converts in the vulnerable minds
of funeral-goers.

I don’t doubt that at least a portion of his intentions
were noble. Perhaps he believed that the mourners wouldn’t be
satisfied with the lingering notion that the deceased husband had
departed our world a non-Christian. Nonetheless, on a day when all
of us are trying our best to look forward and to celebrate the
lives of the deceased, it is just unnecessary and painful.

When we are forced by the fragility of human life to remember
how happy they were as a couple, as parents, as children, as
friends and neighbors, the theories of the reverend seem entirely
irrelevant. It matters which way someone’s life touches our
own, as long as we take them for who they are; because if they
really touched you in a way that matters, you mourn them and then
you let them rest in peace.

Rest in peace, W. and J.