When I sat down to write this article, I was feeling furious.

My best friend had ghosted at the last minute on our plans to try an acai bowl shop in Brentwood.

The anger surprised me. For weeks – or really, months – leading up to graduation, the primary emotion I’ve felt in moments alone is a profound, aching sadness. The existential dread about moving away from my friends has become all-consuming. Where was this sudden onset of intense frustration coming from?

Somehow, I knew this had been building for a while. It wasn’t about the Brentwood acai place.

In my unwilling anticipation of the end of college, I’ve become more possessive and protective about every moment spent with friends. I implore my fellow Bruins, regardless of age, to do the same.

Evolutions in my friendships have been one of the biggest shifts in my final year at UCLA.

In many ways, I feel overwhelmed with gratitude for how some of my friendships have blossomed in the past 12 months.

I forged a handful of connections during my first year that are still going strong, anchored by weekly breakfasts, frequent hiking excursions or purposefully coordinated class schedules. Friends I met during my second or third year have become some of my most treasured companions for everything, from a trip to Disneyland to a night in watching music videos.

Sure, my grades could be higher and I could be a little bit more of an “academic weapon” like I once was. But I wouldn’t trade the impromptu trips to the beach, spontaneous jaunts to Sawtelle or late-night apartment hangouts with my dynamic, hilarious, amazing friends for anything.

Curiously, my bond with my best friend has experienced some different transitions.

For months, she and I have been on opposite wavelengths, and I haven’t been sure how to vocalize what I wanted from our last year in Westwood together.

In watering the metaphorical garden of other friendships, my best friend and I have spent less time together this year than I expected. The consistency of our friendship during the first three years of college – hanging out two or three times a week – is something I took for granted.

The Brentwood acai cancellation wasn’t the first, second or third time a planned activity has evaporated suddenly this year. My parents – rightfully so – have reminded me to be patient, to be understanding and to empathize with how busy my best friend is, especially amid the never-ending stress and uncertainty that fourth year brings.

They’re not wrong. My best friend is not the villain in this story.

When I think about how much she has had on her plate this year, I completely acknowledge that our hangouts cannot always be a top priority. No healthy friendship is built on guilt or pressure.

It’s also my own fault. Knowing how nonconfrontational we’ve been the entire duration of our friendship, I’ve kept my feelings bottled up. I haven’t verbalized how desperately I want to squeeze in time together without derailing my best friend’s packed calendar. I still want her needs to come first.

Now, my best friend is one of several comrades who will be moving far away from Los Angeles on their next adventure.

In many ways, I’m elated for my friends who are following their passions to places such as Washington D.C., New York City, London and Shanghai. I’m thrilled for their accomplishments and one day hope to visit them. Most of all, I want each friend launching into a new city to be happy and fulfilled.

I don’t want these friendships to be corrupted by my own regret that we didn’t spend more time together in Westwood. Time is finite, and I can’t go back and change any part of my UCLA experience.

Still, I wish I had expressed to my best friend earlier how important it was for me to prioritize time spent together in our final year of college. Our friendship will continue, but my anxiety suggests the dynamic will change substantially as physical distance becomes a variable.

To my fellow Bruins with more time at UCLA, I implore you to take every possible chance to spend time with friends. I can’t think of a single instance where I regret time with them. I wish I hadn’t waited until my final year to start saying “yes” to everything I could.

To my fellow Bruins graduating with a degree or completing a program this spring, I encourage you to remind your friends how much you appreciate and adore them. We could all benefit from being a bit more expressive and vocal with our gratitude for the friendships that make us feel inspired and alive.

My friendships have made UCLA magical for me. I love my friends with a ferociousness I didn’t know I had – so much so that I become furious and protective once in a while.

I’m not sure if my best friend will read this article, but I hope she knows how much I will miss being in the same city as we start this next chapter in our lives.

And to all of my beloved friends, I hope you know how much I have cherished the priceless moments we’ve shared these past four years.