One of my biggest fears is coming across as cringey.

I’ll do all that I can to avoid embarrassment.

But lately, I’ve been reflecting on why I even care.

After all, why are we so afraid of what people think of us?

We should allow ourselves to be cringey to create new opportunities for bonding and growth. It is this worry of coming across as cringey that prevents people from unapologetically being themselves.

The fear of being “cringe” is nothing new.

“We experience embarrassment when we feel like maybe we’ve committed a social violation in front of other people,” said Vanessa Zankich, a social psychology doctoral student.

We often cringe when we feel secondhand embarrassment for others, Zankich added.

“There’s sort of this discrepancy between what that person thinks they’re doing, what they think they’re achieving and how they’re actually coming across to other people,” she said.

We call others cringey for a variety of reasons. We might be making fun of a parent who is using slang that is 20 years out of date, or someone listening to a song that is considered “basic.” But these criticisms only hinder people’s enjoyment.

Serena Que, a first-year civil engineering student, said she’s experienced a fear of cringe-shaming when posting about café hopping – visiting multiple cafés in one outing – on social media.

“I feel very hesitant sharing about or posting about it because a lot of the time people say it’s performative and that we just like following the crowd,” Que said.

I’ve also noticed this in my life: the Taylor Swift t-Shirt that collects dust in the back of my closet or the new Marvel trailer that I never talk about.

While it’s easy to feel like cringe culture is a new phenomenon, these feelings of embarrassment predate social media and the Internet.

“Cringe maybe wasn’t the word, it wasn’t the hashtag, but it absolutely was the feeling and crucial to especially adolescent development,” said Jeremy Trott, a lecturer in the psychology and neuroscience departments.

Social media, though, has made these types of feelings worse, Trott added.

“Things like social media, things like cell phones, have really increased the fear of how one is perceived because there’s so many people that may perceive you and the consequences to being cringe actually exist now,” Trott said.

If someone is constantly thinking about what they are doing and how it is being perceived – in the real world or on social media – there’s no time to live in the moment.

“And at the end of the day, no one really remembers what you really put out there. Something minor that you think people will notice, no one notices at all,” Que said. “Even if people notice something like that, they’re not going to remember it forever.”

To be sure, some things are cringey for a reason.

Zankich says there’s a balance between not limiting ourselves, while also growing from some of our cringiness.

“One of the reasons social emotions like embarrassment, shame and cringe are so important is because they help us manage our reputations, our social status, potentially bond with others and just learn about the world,” Zankich said.

But finding that medium can be difficult.

While cringe certainly serves a purpose in our society, it ultimately should not stop us students from enjoying our lives and embracing our interests.

“And at the end of the day, people’s perception of you doesn’t really matter that much,” Que said. “And as long as you are really strong or really confident in your own identity, I feel like no matter what you put out there, it doesn’t change who you are.”

People will almost always have something to say about what you’re doing. But that does not mean we should hide who we are because society doesn’t deem it cool.

“Be cringey. Talk about cringe with your friends. Cringe at others. It’s just a normal part of life,” Zankich said.

It’s natural to always be a bit nervous about how others perceive you – but it’s not something that should affect how you act, what you like or what you choose to share with others.

To be cringey is to be free.