My first time designing a -30- column, all I could think about was the drop cap.

Staring at the blown-up letters starting people’s columns, all I could think about was what letter I would start my own with – not what word or sentence but what letter. All stemming from the simple fact that some characters in the alphabet make ugly drop caps.

I’ve thought about the aesthetics – but rarely the content. Some may attribute this to my multimedia background, some to my aversion to writing anything other than a Slack message.

I attribute it to the -30- column paradox: The Daily Bruin has meant more to me than anything I’ve done in my life, but I have absolutely nothing to say about it.

That’s a bit melodramatic, but a lot of us at The Bruin have a propensity for theatrics. We’re young, we’re excitable and we’re passionate.

Perhaps more accurate – and with that same dramatic flair – is that I lack words that carry enough meaning. I’m an avid thesaurus user, but there is no synonym for “awesome” that packs the punch needed.

Maybe the only time words haven’t failed me in describing The Bruin is when asked why students should join. I always say, “You get out of it what you put in.” Cliche but true.

I put in absolutely everything, and I got a lower GPA and unhealthy boundaries with Kerckhoff 118.

Yet, I’d do it all over again.

Behind that lower GPA are countless hours spent on improvement – not just Daily Bruin-centric but centered on myself: personal growth, life lessons and the occasional website fix. I’m emerging from The Bruin not as a stronger journalist per se, but as a stronger person. GPA be damned.

Behind these unhealthy boundaries are some of my most meaningful friendships. Moving 1,143 miles away from home, I was terrified to lose my safety net. My dad would try to assuage my fears, telling me, “People make the place.” I don’t know that I would’ve had my place at UCLA without the people at The Bruin.

I would’ve never felt safe to make mistakes in such a competitive and intimidating environment. The Daily Bruin has taught me how to trust myself and others – invaluable skills I’ll take with me through life.

I’ve learned how to teach and be taught.

I’ve learned that I really don’t know that much at all – which isn’t something to be ashamed of.

At first, I really didn’t understand how much the Daily Bruin could offer. I remember having to be convinced that deeper involvement was worth my time. I was a Design contributor with no intention to become anything further.

I wasn’t ready to commit myself further to The Bruin. On a whim, I asked for an extension on my assistant Design director application and, wow. am I grateful for that extra time.

Now, I’ve been on both sides of record-setting prints – from an 8:48 p.m. pagination to a 3:47 a.m. one. And I haven’t regretted any of them. They made me want to give more and learn more.

Even with all of the beautiful memories, lessons and friendships the Daily Bruin gave me, I still thought the most about what letter I would start this off with.

Why?

This fixation on the perfect drop cap letter – does it tie into a need to find the perfect way to describe my time at The Bruin? Am I searching for a visual representation when words fail?

No. I just like pretty things.

And pretty things are easier to find than the words to describe the Daily Bruin. Call me a liar if you’d like – I wrote 656 words about The Bruin – but not a single one of them captures what it’s truly meant to me.

Nonetheless, I do think I managed to find a couple pretty words to accompany that pretty first letter.

Tavares was the digital managing editor 2024-2025 and an assistant Design director 2023-2024. She was also Copy staff and an Arts, Illustrations, News, Online, Photo and PRIME contributor.