I plopped down on the familiar couch overlooking the indoor tennis facility in my home in Vancouver, Canada, and took a deep breath. My frantic fingers searched for Stella Sampras Wesbter’s contact card on my phone screen. The phone rang once, twice, and soon I heard her familiar voice. After some brief small talk, I announced to her my big news — my verbal commitment to UCLA.

I will never forget the practice that followed my commitment to this world-class institution. I can still conjure up the feeling of joy and freedom with every forehand I hit that afternoon. Setting foot on UCLA’s historic campus during my first official visit felt like I was imposing on some elusive and distant dream, a dream that would soon engulf me. No matter how many times I’d pinch myself as I blissfully followed my tour guide through various lecture halls and training facilities, my 17-year-old self knew nothing of what awaited me.

As I settled into my first dorm room and hugged my parents goodbye, my new reality began to creep in. Soon enough, the carefree moments with hometown friends spent that summer before college became smiling images push-pinned into my bedside wall as I began a balancing act of seemingly endless 8 a.m. practices, classes and meetings.

Rigorous training, traveling to compete in tournaments and long nights spent studying were not unfamiliar to me. Going through my junior tennis career taught me to be disciplined and calloused my mind to accept the routine – tennis and school. Despite this, my new reality at UCLA felt vastly different. I was now on my own, experiencing the truest form of independence I had ever faced. Who was I beyond my sport and my comforts of home?

From my first quarter, I allowed myself to pursue my academic curiosities. I was especially excited about one class that I chose out of the breadth of intriguing General Education classes – oceanography. The fascination I have with the natural world had conjured up the possibility of perhaps studying it someday in university. But soon after realizing that pursuing a degree in Environmental Science meant actually ‘doing science,’ I was deeply intimidated and quickly evaporated this goal into a whimsy fantasy. Weeks passed as I settled into the delicately formulated routine of a student-athlete. Morning practices were followed by grabbing a protein bar or squeezing in a brief lunch if I had enough time before rushing to class. In moments of doubt, I would remember the words of my Ukrainian mother, who’d always remind me that ‘I can handle more than I think’ at times when I felt like I had nothing left to give. The hyper-productive days of practice, back-to-back classes and whatever else were always the most exciting to me because I felt like I was really living up to my full potential.

As my first season quickly began January 2020, I got to experience the epic atmosphere of college tennis. Transitioning from a fully independent experience in junior tennis to playing for a team of incredible athletes added a sense of relatability and camaraderie that I had never felt before. Off the court, there is an undeniable greatness you can feel walking through the athletic facilities. You didn’t need a visit to the Hall of Fame and see the 121 shining national trophies to know UCLA is elite, you can feel it anywhere on campus. And if that wasn’t motivating enough, the electric energy of the more than 700 student-athletes moving to and from practice motivated me to represent the four letters on my chest with the utmost pride and respect. After reaching the finals of the Indoor National tournament in my freshman year, we settled back into practice. Until one unassuming day, this team practice would turn out to be my last for nearly a year.

Once the news of COVID-19 spread throughout UCLA’s campus, it was clear that things were about to drastically change for the worse. The dystopian news from around the world brought waves of fear and uncertainty. My final exams were moved online, and soon after I began to pack up my thoughtfully decorated dorm room and plan my route back to Vancouver. These first formative months on campus granted me the confidence to drive myself the 1,278 miles that separated UCLA and my home. As I drove up the hill to my house nestled among the trees in my quiet Canadian neighborhood, I couldn’t help but reminisce about the excitement of pulling off of the frantic 405 freeway onto Sunset Boulevard. Despite the fact that I was painfully ripped apart from my exciting new life at UCLA, the 10 long months spent apart from Westwood presented me with a blessing. The time spent isolating in nature near my home brought back the deep fascination I have with natural systems and convinced me to pursue a Bachelor of Science in Environmental Science.

Since I returned back to the familiar streets of Westwood, I have felt increasingly established and capable. My new-found direction in what I would pursue academically propelled me through the difficult moments of doubt. Doors of opportunities flung open and presented me with various scientific research opportunities that all started with curious conversations with professors I admired. I learned that the repetitive line all freshmen hear really rings true — the resources are there if you use them. I realized that no matter what background you come from, the world-class faculty at UCLA happily share their knowledge, experiences and opportunities with students who are eager to learn.

As my senior year dawned on me in the fall of 2022, I felt anxious starting each day. My last first day of fall quarter, I thought, as I mounted my bicycle and zoomed down Landfair to practice. Even finals week, that quarter made me sad — and how could it not? The moments I’ve acquired and cherished at this institution shall soon run their course and send me on my way to my next journey. I soon pivoted this perspective and chose to surrender my anxieties surrounding my impending graduation. Every day became more special as I felt more grateful to get to experience it.

My senior year presented itself with its own challenges and lessons. Being the team captain for my last season required me to unapologetically lead by example, speak up for what I believe in and wholeheartedly pour my love and passion into our team culture. Looking back at my senior season, I will never forget the match that led us to the Sweet Sixteen of the NCAA tournament where I won the deciding match after nearly four hours of playing. My experience in countless high-stress moments throughout my college tennis career prepared me to be mindfully aware of the moment, as I bounced the ball in preparation to serve on match point with the crowd and both teams’ eyes silently on me. I will never forget the moment of pure euphoria as I lay on the ground covering my face with my hands and felt my teammates piling on to me, screaming and rejoicing at our unexpected and well-deserved victory.

Looking back, it is not the shiniest and happiest moments that make me grateful for my time at UCLA. The moments that broke me, reshaped me and enlightened me were all necessary to shape me into the person I am today. I will forever be in awe of the magic that this school possesses. I am deeply rooted in gratitude for the belief my coaches Stella Sampras Webster, Rance Brown, and Errol Smith have in me, and cannot thank them enough for giving me the opportunity to compete for and represent UCLA. No matter where my next journey takes me, I know I will always have a home and a family at UCLA. Once a Bruin, always a Bruin.

Vagramov played for UCLA women’s tennis from 2019 to 2023.