Bruins tell their stories for National Coming Out Weeks

More than 100 students took part in a series of campus events in honor of National Coming Out Weeks, held from Oct. 11-25. The Queer Alliance, Cultural Affairs Commission and Office of Residential Life hosted activities, which ranged from a town hall meeting to a resource fair. Below, one student reflects on his experience coming out during National Coming Out Weeks, while others remember their own experiences coming out to their families and friends.

 

Sam Haws

Sam Haws realized he needed to come out while studying abroad in Europe this summer after running in the spring election for the Undergraduate Students Association Council.

He acted upon his decision and came out to his friends and family who didn’t know about his status through Facebook during National Coming Out Weeks. Previously, he had told only those closest to him, including his parents, that he is queer.

The third-year English and economics student and USAC general representative said he felt more comfortable being himself once he was in a new environment where no one knew him.

Haws said he was scared to go against what he thought people expected of him as a student leader and USAC council member.

He said his biggest fear about coming out stemmed from the belief that people might look at him differently if he told them he is gay. But during his summer abroad, he realized how relaxing it felt to shake off his fear and approach others confidently.

“I was forced to realize ‘Don’t you want to feel like this in every conversation?’” Haws said.

When he first told his mother in April that he is queer, he said she was surprised but reacted positively.

“I was raised in a devoutly religious household,” he said. “They were hoping that it wouldn’t be the case. It felt disappointing for them.”

Though his parents, who are Mormon, have not had much time to talk to him about his sexuality, Haws said they are leaning toward acceptance. He said his mother especially is now very supportive of the way he has chosen to live his life.

“I did what I did because it’s the right thing to do,” he said. “The right thing to do is to be completely honest with yourself and everyone around you.”

Haws said he is confident that coming out was the best decision for him to make because he now feels more comfortable being himself at the USAC table.

“When you come into a role (as a) representative of the student body, (coming out) helps you understand others,” Haws said. “It has made me feel more compassionate.”

 

Charlie Hall

Charlie Hall didn’t want to give up his sexuality or his faith — two essential components of his identity that he thought were at odds.

He wanted to keep both, but didn’t know how.

Born and raised in a devoutly Christian family, the third-year cognitive science student said he considered himself very religious since he was young.

He said he knew his parents would not approve of him being gay, but, at the same time, he said he knew he was attracted to men.

“It wasn’t something I could be. It wasn’t an option for me,” Hall said about his sexuality.

He was scared to see how his parents and two older brothers would react if he told them he was gay.

He said he wanted to live up to his parents’ expectations, which called for him to be straight.

To Hall’s surprise, his parents were very willing to listen and try to understand him when he came out to them four years ago, although they wanted him to be open to change.

“(My parents) had a posture of support. But they wanted me to not give up on the idea that I could change (at first),” Hall said. “They don’t believe that someone who’s truly Christian can live an openly gay lifestyle.”

However, he said his parents have been supportive of his decision and are willing to learn more about his sexuality.

Hall’s brothers also helped him reconcile his sexuality and faith, he said. His oldest brother was the one who recommended that he join a Christian fellowship on campus, he added.

But Hall said he was concerned that the fellowship might not be the best place for him to talk freely about his sexuality and faith.

He expected members of the Christian community to hold a negative view of homosexuality, but, much like his parents, they were open to hearing his story.

“You create other people’s reactions in your mind and much of the time it’s wrong. When I met Christians I assumed they wouldn’t be open-minded, but that (idea) slowly broke down,” Hall said. “I met Christians (who) were willing to talk about it openly and open-mindedly.”

Hall said National Coming Out Weeks reminded him of how thankful he is for his parents and their willingness to be open-minded.

“I think the biggest change before I came out is that I lived to please other people,” Hall said. “My coming out process made me critically evaluate not just my sexuality but the man that I want to be.”

 

Janetta Osborne

Although her family members suspected that Janetta Osborne was queer,she did not tell them about her sexuality when she was in high school because she was afraid of how they would react.

The second-year biology student said she came out to her closest friends in 10th grade, but she thought her mother and aunt were against same-sex relationships.

“My family knew, but they didn’t talk about it,” she said.

Later in high school, Osborne said her aunt outed her to the rest of her family members before Osborne was ready to talk to them about her sexuality.

“They call it a closet for a reason. It’s dark. It’s lonely. It’s scary. It’s crazy,” Osbourne said.

When she started to develop romantic feelings for women, she tried to find information about her own sexuality through the internet, but Wikipedia and television were not enough, she said.

“I was constantly trying to find people like me (during high school),” she said. “I didn’t, and I was mentally distressed.”

With the help of her high school teacher, she started a club for gay students at her school, which could provide a place for people like her to meet others and share their stories.

For Osbourne, National Coming Out Weeks reaffirmed her responsibility to reach out to other members of the LGBT community and reminded her to stay strong for those who need her help.

“I’m the kind of a person who makes the world around me, at least, as beautiful as possible,” Osborne said. “I don’t let other people mess up my energy, my vibe. I was at a point where I was like, ‘Forget it. I’m just gonna be me.’”