Being a “˜good girl’ should involve conveying self-confidence and assertiveness

The “good girl” archetype is subjected to many different interpretations, describing personalities ranging from a moral figure exempt from any wrongdoing to a cowardly individual unwilling to live a little. Our definitions of a good girl, regardless of connotation, tend to revolve around one of a meek persona and a lack of combativeness.

An ability to convey these in everyday life are truly what make a strong woman, and the definition of “good girl” needs to be changed to incorporate that. If women continue to define a “good girl” as someone who lacks self-esteem and assertiveness, the consequences will transcend their personal lives and affect their professional lives.

Larger scale social movements, including the fight for women’s suffrage movement, as well as the modern feminist movements, would have been unthinkable if leaders like Elizabeth Cady Stanton had been more concerned about obeying cultural norms of the era than demanding equality for women.

It is the notion of following such guidelines that seems to be inherent in this definition. Children are told to “be good” and behave themselves. Throughout formal schooling, good grades were received by those who put in the necessary hours to study. Though “good guys” are defined by similar circumstances, “good” oftentimes has a broader definition when it comes to men, as evidenced by comparatively more societal laxity toward social, sexual and private behavior. It seems natural then that our modern definitions of a “good girl” tend to be those that encompass young girls and women who do not stray from these expectations.

As Rachel Simmons, author of The Curse of the Good Girl: Raising Authentic Girls with Courage and Confidence, explains in a recent Time magazine interview, “the pressure girls face to be nice all the time leads them to repress some of their most powerful emotions and deprives them of skills to express those feelings.

As a result, a lot of anger gets expressed indirectly, like online or behind someone’s back, earning girls a reputation for being sneaky and cruel. Again, that’s not about girls themselves but about the culture that they’re growing up in.”

On a more individual level, these “sneaky” reputations take a back seat to the potential effects on occupational and financial mobility, with this inability to project oneself in an honest and confident manner translating into the workplace.

With recent college graduates facing one of the most competitive job markets in years, an inability to break the “good girl” mold is even more detrimental than before. According to a survey from the National Association of Colleges and Employers, only 19.7 percent of graduates who applied for a job actually have one.

An inability to show an aggressive attitude in critical aspects of one’s career is particularly hard in our current economic situation. A lack of confidence in networking and, as Simmons describes, asking for a raise, are hindrances to advancement in the workplace.

As Simmons explains, “Girls collect achievements by the handful, but often don’t have the confidence to own them. … If you look at girls on paper, they’re terrific. “¦ But get them into a job interview or negotiating a raise, and it’s another story.”

Bringing about any sort of shift in what it means to be a “good girl” needs to start on an individual level, with women realizing that working within the guidelines of this already narrow definition will bring about no significant change. Old stereotypes are not easily broken, and our actions should not be motivated by a desire to fit within any label’s boundaries.

Personal transformation in self-confidence will come about when we realize the attributes like aggressiveness do not always carry negative connotations and that embracing them in a professional manner does not make someone any conglomeration of names that too often are closely associated with assertiveness in women.

In the end, judgment by parents, peers and elders plays an enormous role in the issue. Only when we are able to honestly pursue goals and act independently of what we think external reaction will be can we really escape traditional prejudices. Older women have an obligation to younger generations to project this self-confident and assertive woman as a positive role model that should not be shied away from.

At the risk of sounding like a Lifetime movie, I’ll leave you on this note: No matter what your actions, you will always find those who will disagree, criticize and complain.

With the fluidity of negative labels these days, odds are you may one day encounter them in your life if you haven’t already. As long as self-confidence is not reevaluated and core values remain unchanged, embrace your own definition of “good.” In the words of feminist Laurel Thatcher Ulrich, “Well-behaved women rarely make history.”

E-mail Gharibian at [email protected]. Send general comments to [email protected].