Soundbite: Kelly Clarkson
By Alex Wolf
March 8, 2009 9:01 p.m.
Kelly, I’m so glad we’re back on.
You really tore me apart in 2007 with the dark and bitter “My December,” and I never thought we’d be the same again. It was a hard time for you, I understand, but I couldn’t take you screaming every chorus without a catchy hook to sing along to. I just wanted to relive the “Since U Been Gone” days and spend time with my favorite American Idol.
Now you’re back to basics with “All I Ever Wanted,” a fresh heap of easy-to-swallow, big-chorused and flawlessly sung breakup and makeup anthems. It gives me great pleasure to know that you’ve reunited with “Since U Been Gone” songwriter Max Martin to give “Gone,” your best song ever, a fantastic sequel: “My Life Would Suck Without You.” Guess what, Kelly? My life would suck without you, too.
But wait, things have changed, haven’t they? You’ve made new friends. Back in 2004, you had moments on “Breakaway” that sounded so Avril Lavigne at times. Now you’ve been hanging out with Katy Perry, and it shows. She even cowrote two songs on the album. Don’t worry, you belt out “Long Shot” and “I Do Not Hook Up” much better than Perry does on her demo versions. Sure, you changed the line “keep your thing in your pants” to “keep your hand in my hand” on “Hook Up,” but that’s only because you’re likable enough without the attention-seeking sexual shock value.
Perry may be an okay friend to keep around, but can I ask you to ditch OneRepublic’s Ryan Tedder? He makes you sound so dreary on “Impossible” and “Save You” and completely undermines your talent by ripping off Beyoncé’s “Halo” in “Already Gone.” Even worse, he tries to turn you into Rihanna on “If I Can’t Have You” and has the nerve to use auto-tune on one of the few voices around these days that doesn’t need it.
You’re much better off in your quirkier moments, like the chirpy “I Want You” or the lighthearted swing of “Ready.”
I’m not sure what to make of your foray into ’90s grunge with “Whyyawannabringmedown,” but you sound like you’re having fun, and that’s what’s most important for the both of us.
Simple and enjoyable pop rock ditties like “All I Ever Wanted” and the waltz-esque “Cry” suit you well and come closest to what I’d call standard Kelly Clarkson tunes. On “Wanted,” you mimic (and no doubt upstage) your peers so often that I have trouble defining exactly what a standard Kelly Clarkson tune is. Come to think of it, Kelly, I’m not sure if I actually know the real you at all.
I’m having a great time listening to “Wanted,” but the way you breeze through Top-40 trends with no clear direction, I question your sincerity altogether. Is “Wanted” just a commercial rebound after the disappointing sales of “My December,” or are you really rekindling our love flame?
Even when you tell me “I found out I’m nothing without you,” on “My Life Would Suck,” I can’t help but have a hunch you’ll be leaving anytime now to go find yourself in another reflective songwriting escapade. Whenever you’re ready to return, radio will welcome you with open arms, but between us, if you keep going back and forth this way, I’m not sure if I’ll ever get to know you. What I do know, though, is that I like you and want you to stay.
““ Alex Wolf
E-mail Wolf at [email protected].
