Dorm tension can be avoided
By Roberta Wolfson
Oct. 9, 2007 10:40 p.m.
During her first year at UCLA, Tanu Shenoy assumed she was on good terms with her roommate. They talked about life, shared jokes, and for the most part got along well together.
But one day she came home to her double room in Delta Terrace to discover that her roommate’s bags were packed and she was moving out that evening.
“In all honesty, I don’t know what the trouble was. I thought we were friends,” said Shenoy, a third-year molecular, cell and developmental biology student. “(My roommate) said it was because of family issues, but I don’t know if that was true, because she moved into another suite in the same complex, Delta Terrace, instead of going home.”
Adjusting to life at college can be challenging for many first-year students. But one of the biggest challenges is learning how to live with one or more strangers.
Some of these challenges include overcoming a lack of communication, learning how to live with others in a cramped space, and adjusting to roommates who have different living styles.
“There are some things about the first-year experience that are uniquely difficult,” said Kathleen Lambird, a counseling psychologist at Student Psychological Services. “Maybe you’ve had your own room for as long as you can remember, then suddenly you’re stuck in a small room with two strangers.”
Lack of communication, such as the kind that occurred between Shenoy and her roommate, can be a common source of difficulty for students who are living together for the first time.
“There are ways to work through (the difficulties) with communication skills,” Lambird said. “If you can work things out with your roommates, it might help you build skills and develop good learning experience in other areas.”
But dealing with a roommate can be tricky, as problems in the living space are often tied to social issues that can be challenging to talk about, such as a conflict of personal habits. As a result, it can be difficult for roommates to seek help or find ways to communicate with each other.
“I was really hurt by (my roommate moving out),” Shenoy said. “I actually blamed it on myself because of my own personal habits. But I didn’t really make it seem as if I cared or anything because it was so sudden. I just kind of let it go.”
There are a wide variety of options available for students to seek assistance when dealing with roommate issues. Before applying for a housing transfer at Housing Services, students can talk to their resident assistants or resident directors and seek help from the Office of Residential Life.
But Shenoy said she did not consider getting help from ORL because she felt inadequately informed about the roommate change and was disappointed that there was no attempt from ORL to mediate a compromise before her roommate left.
“(ORL) didn’t handle (my case) properly, because I wasn’t given any warning about the situation. I never heard anything from ORL ““ even my (resident assistant) didn’t say a word. I felt like I should have been given some warning about this,” Shenoy said.
Frank Montana, the manager for community housing and outreach at Housing Services, said Housing does not require students to inform their roommates when they are transferring. However, Housing does notify students when a new roommate will move in to fill up the empty space.
“We don’t force a student to do that if he or she doesn’t feel comfortable notifying their roommate,” Montana said.
This fall quarter, Housing has already authorized 60 mutual housing transfers, in which two students apply to switch into each other’s rooms. By the end of fall quarter 2006, Housing authorized a total of 81 transfers.
Due to the limited housing space available on the Hill, students who wish to change roommates in the fall must have found another student to switch rooms with, which can be difficult, Montana said.
“Mutual switches take work and a bit of luck. What students need to realize is that the answer isn’t always a quick fix. They have to invest some time and effort into making it work,” Montana said. “It’s part of the education that takes place outside the classroom ““ how to get along with people.”
Unlike fall quarter, during the first one or two weeks of winter and spring quarters, Housing holds an open transfer period for students who do not have a specific room in mind to transfer into. Last winter quarter, Housing received 74 transfer requests and accommodated 51 of them.
Students can also seek help from Student Psychological Services for advice on how to deal with roommate problems.
Lambird said she counsels students who have roommate difficulties several times a quarter.
“It’s a very common problem, one that often students can resolve through a short consultation with a counselor,” Lambird said. “The conflict with the roommate might be a sign or a symptom of another problem that is happening.”
Shenoy said she was aware of the services Student Psychological Services provides but chose not to seek them out because she thought they wouldn’t provide adequate assistance.
But aside from individual counseling, Student Psychological Services offers a variety of workshops throughout the year, including one titled “Building Social Confidence” geared towards fostering communication skills, Lambird said.
