Come out in support of gays

Several weeks ago, a gay male UCLA student posted on an online
message board asking for advice on coming out to his roommates.

He wasn’t afraid of physical violence or verbal
harassment, the two threats that one might think are the largest
deterrents to coming out.

He was afraid of the negative effects that might hinder the
positive relationship he had been developing with his
roommates.

Looking at the number and content of the responses to his post,
it was clear that this situation is all too common.

Although the number of men and women who suffer daily physical
and verbal abuse based solely on their sexual preference is
staggering and tragic, the largest fear of coming out at a
relatively progressive campus such as UCLA is often the stigma of
being different.

It’s a fear that, based on my five years of being an out
and happy homosexual, tests me daily.

When I’m asked what clubs I’m joining, if I think
some girl is hot, or if I have a girlfriend, there is always a
voice in the back of my head that says I could lie just this
once.

Sometimes it’s louder than at other times. Sometimes
I’ve even compromised a little.

Those are not moments I’m proud of.

The problem is that many people ““ gay or straight ““
don’t like to talk about this subject. It makes people
uncomfortable, not to mention that there is a widely held opinion
that this is a private matter, not the sort of thing the average
person needs to know about another person.

However, you can’t successfully cut away part of
people’s identities and then just pretend they are the same
as “everyone else.”

On the contrary, as a gay man who happens to be further out the
door than others, I believe that I have a responsibility to be both
visible and honest about who I am in order to provide hope to those
who aren’t quite there and to try and inspire others to be
more visible.

In my perfect world, every week is National Coming Out Week.

Coming out isn’t something that can be done in a day.

It is something that happens in various degrees over and over
throughout our lives.

Until the day comes when people won’t assume I’m
straight by default, I can never be truly out.

I am not by any means attempting to deflate the importance of
this week.

It is my sincere hope that the entire UCLA population realizes
that this is as much a week for them as it is for gay people.

Coming out involves someone telling and someone listening and,
for this week, we as a community are asking you to listen to our
feelings, our fears and our ideas.

Tell a gay friend you support them.

Don’t be afraid of being corny.

Ask a gay peer that question you’ve been too afraid to
ask.

The point of this week is to educate, so seek out answers.

Go with a friend to one of the many events taking place all
week.

Heck, send me a message on Facebook.

If next week you decide you want to go back to pretending that
we’re not really here, that’s your choice.

Felleman is a second-year communication studies
student.