List of top conservative songs absurd

I present to you definitive proof that conservatives in the U.S.
have their heads lodged far up in their posteriors.

An online article from the foremost conservative magazine, The
National Review, claims to list the 50 best
�conservative� rock songs. I was
slightly intrigued to see which Ned Nugent and Christian rock
numbers conservatives enjoyed, but to my astonishment, I found a
rather eclectic mix of good songs.

My first response was that this must be some tongue-in-cheek
joke. While I can hardly argue with �Sweet Home
Alabama� making the list (No. 4), I quickly came
to the conclusion that the rest of the list was also serious.
Supposedly these songs were nominated by readers of the National
Review. Although I guess one can always hope for the sake of the
nation that a band of merry liberals rigged the ballots and sent in
patently absurd choices just to make the writers and editors of the
National Review squirm. In any case, I present a small sampling of
songs from the list and the explanations provided by the National
Review as to why they are
�conservative.�

33. �You Can�t Always Get What
You Want,� by The Rolling Stones.

National Review: �You can
�(go) down to the demonstration�
and vent your frustration, but you must understand that
there�s no such thing as a perfect society
� there are merely decent and free
ones.�

I was unaware that actively caring about making society better
was the same as trying to make it perfect. Thanks for clearing that
up for me, National Review. And thanks for throwing out any
understanding of irony or historical context.

12. �Neighborhood Bully,� by
Bob Dylan.

NR: �A pro-Israel song released in 1983, two
years after the bombing of Iraq�s nuclear reactor,
this ironic number could be a theme song for the Bush Doctrine:
�He destroyed a bomb factory, nobody was glad /
The bombs were meant for him / He was supposed to feel bad /
He�s the neighborhood bully.�

At first I thought the misplaced argument would somehow be made
that this song was conservative because it is pro-Israel. But this
song is supposedly a conservative favorite because it is a
�theme song for the Bush
Doctrine.� Did I miss the news that we actually
found weapons of mass destruction in Iraq? Or is this some cryptic
note that we are going to soon invade Iran? Good thing I
can�t be drafted anymore.

13. �My City Was Gone,� by The
Pretenders.

NR: �Virtually every conservative knows the
bass line, which supplies the theme music for
Limbaugh�s radio show. But the lyrics also display
a Jane Jacobs sensibility against central planning and a
conservative�s dissatisfaction with rapid change:
�I went back to Ohio / But my pretty countryside /
Had been paved down the middle / By a government that had no
pride.��

Being more of a 700 Club fan, I have never heard
Limbaugh�s show and was shocked to find out that a
Pretenders� song provided a bass line for one of
America�s most famous conservative radio hosts. A
little internet research found that Limbaugh chose this song to irk
liberals. Apparently most conservatives �
including the writers for the National Review �
are unaware of this fact. In their confusion they have tried to
�conservatize� a song that rails
against suburban expansion, environmental exploitation and
unhindered economic growth. Or maybe I am wrong. Cleveland may very
well be a �centrally-planned�
communist state.

I tried to think of an equally absurd label as
�50 Greatest Conservative Rock
Songs� to affix to this list �
perhaps �50 Greatest Songs That, When Played
Backward, Provide Instructions for Performing Heart
Surgery.� However, I must hand it to the National
Review: Their label is far more creative than anything I can come
up with.

Mataya is graduate student in political science.