Screen Scene: "X-Men: The Last Stand"
By Daily Bruin Staff
May 25, 2006 9:00 p.m.
Directed by Brett Ratner 20th Century Fox
“X-Men: The Last Stand” has a lot wrong with it. So
much, in fact, that the only feasible way to discuss the movie
adequately is a laundry list of problems.
1. The movie would have been better if a young Jean Grey killed
Professor Xavier (Patrick Stewart) during the flashback that opens
the movie, setting an “Age of Apocalypse” story line in
motion. The previous X-Men film was based on a comic book story
line (“God Loves, Man Kills”) and was excellently
adapted. Anything would’ve been an improvement on the script
they used this time, which combined a recent story line from
“Astonishing X-Men” with the classic “Dark
Phoenix Saga” and fulfilled the potential of neither.
2. Jean Grey (Famke Janssen) becoming Phoenix, the most
emotionally devastating character in the X-Men universe, amounts to
her just standing around looking pissed off. Xavier’s casual
revelation that he knew about Phoenix all along and that it was a
split personality is the most vomit-inducing cop-out in quite some
time.
3. The movie is way too short. It needed at least another half
hour to flesh characters and story lines out, not to mention a much
bigger effects budget.
4. There’s barely a glimpse of the high-flying Angel (Ben
Foster), who gets more screen time in the trailers than in the film
itself.
5. For being the leader of the mutant opposition, Magneto (Ian
McKellen) really collects a useless, motley crew of followers. He
says at one point, “The pawns go first,” and sends a
bunch of D-list mutants to their doom. Arclight? Quills? Who the
hell are these people?
6. The tension of human/mutant relations is basically removed,
thanks to the appointment of Beast (Kelsey Grammer) to a government
position. The only person who actually seems to feel persecuted is
Magneto, and at this point he’s beating a dead horse.
6. Wolverine (Hugh Jackman) is tamed. He’s Xavier’s
lap dog. He basically takes over Cyclops’ (James Marsden)
non-role, just with adamantium claws.
7. The movie takes some brave steps with character deaths and
people losing their powers. However, the end of the movie suggests
that none of this is permanent and sets things up for a potential
“X4.” This is ridiculous.
8. “Last Stand?” You never get the sense anything is
at stake. A bunch of mutants fighting on Alcatraz for 15 minutes is
far from the full-on war on humanity the title suggests.
9. After years of anticipation, the Danger Room sucks;
it’s a glorified “Star Trek” holodeck.
10. The Juggernaut actually says the line, “Don’t
you know who I am? I’m the Juggernaut, bitch!” OK, that
part was awesome.
“”mdash; Mark Humphrey and David Greenwald
E-mail Humphrey at [email protected] and Greenwald at
[email protected].
