Screen scene
By Daily Bruin Staff
April 27, 2005 9:00 p.m.
“The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy”
Directed by Garth Jennings Touchstone Pictures
The Book of Genesis (Revised) Chapter 1 (1.) In the beginning,
there were dolphins. And the creators of the world saw them, and
they were good. (2.) Next came humans, and the creators of the
world saw them, and they were good too, though not as good as
dolphins. (3.) After the humans came the actors, and the creators
of the world saw them, and they were just all right. (4.) Other
civilizations from other planets saw this world, the Earth, and
decided it was just barely interesting enough to include in their
own version of things, a slim volume called “The
Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy.” (5.) That text,
already adapted for humans by Douglas Adams in a 1979 novel of the
same name, has now been adapted again, this time for illiterate
humans, in a 2005 movie of the same name, directed by Garth
Jennings. (6.) The creators of the world read the book and saw the
movie, and decided they were no good because they gave away all the
creators’ secrets. (7.) But the creators misinterpreted the
meanings of Adams’ novel and the movie. Instead of giving
away the grand purpose of human existence, they merely point out
how tied up humans are in books. (8.) Humans need books for
everything, as Jennings needs Adams’ book and Adams and his
characters need the real “The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the
Galaxy.” (9.) Pointing out the silly need for books in human
life questions the validity of other books that explain the
universe to humans. (10.) But why write a text that debases the
value of texts? Chapter 2 (1.) Thus the universe was finished, and
the movie was made, telling the story of the only two humans to
survive the intergalactic bureaucracy’s destruction of Earth
to make room for a superhighway that will alleviate interstellar
traffic stress. (2.) The dolphins, being smart, leave the planet
the night before its destruction, but not before singing a goodbye
song to the humans titled “So Long, and Thanks for All the
Fish” that reminds of Monty Python, but serves no particular
purpose to the construction of the story. (3.) Once the dolphins
leave and the humans are destroyed, only actors are left to pretend
to be humans in the film, which explains why nobody seems very
human-like. (4.) The absence of emotion, promoted by the
intergalactic bureaucracy and the real “Hitchhiker’s
Guide to the Galaxy,” permeates throughout the film, making
it technically correct, but also boring. (5.) The actors
don’t look like they’re having very much fun pretending
to be humans pretending to be emotional. (6.) The only actor who
seems to have any fun doesn’t play a human, so he
doesn’t have to have any emotions. Sam Rockwell plays Zaphod
Beeblebrox, the president of the universe, as a casual stoner who
sounds a lot like George W. Bush. (7.) Though Rockwell is funny,
Beeblebrox is nothing like Bush, making the relationship between
the two leaders an issue of high improbability. (8.) Then again,
issues of high improbability compose much of the movie, as well as
much of the universe. Chapter 3 (1.) The Beeblebrox/Bush
relationship seems like it should have a point, as does the
guide/Bible relationship, but neither does. It’s satire
without purpose, and there’s nothing more frustrating than
that. -Jake Tracer
