Don’t crumble at thought of chicken

Cornflake-crumb chicken is an easy recipe that’s quick to
make. The crunchy exterior locks in the chicken flavors, yielding a
tender, juicy meal that tastes good hot or cold.

Start with a pound of thawed chicken cutlets or slice a pound of
boneless chicken breasts into two-inch-wide strips. Rinse the raw
poultry in cold water and greet your roommate, who has swaggered
into the kitchen with feigned nonchalance, the way he does whenever
he thinks he might get some free food. Ignore his hinting and wash
your hands.

While putting a quarter cup of flour in a saucer, mention to
your roommate that you’d appreciate if he would be the one to
take the trash out once in a while. Ask him whether he’s
still planning on using the oranges he bought in October, which are
now lying brown and shriveled at the bottom of the
refrigerator.

Cut the lecture short when you hear a loud thumping noise and
some muffled barking come from his room. Ask him what that sound
is.

Watch skeptically as he makes a big show of coughing to cover up
the noise. Bronchitis never sounded so yappy, and it certainly
never knocked over what sounds like a pile of CDs. He’ll
realize that too, tell you it’s probably just the TV and
disappear back into his room.

Crack two eggs into a bowl, add a teaspoon of black pepper and
beat until thoroughly mixed. You’re very sure you hear some
barking now. And the TV isn’t even on, is it?

Everything will become clear when your roommate’s door
flies open and a small shaggy dog dashes out, jumping and panting
and nuzzling. “This is just a dreeaamm,” your roommate
will try to explain to you, waving his arms. “The dog is not
reeaall.”

After noticing that you’re not buying any of it, he will
tell you the truth: The puppy wandered up to him the other night
when he was coming back from a party. It didn’t have tags and
you can’t not keep it, dude, because it’s probably
going to grow up into a huge killer guard dog, and won’t that
be awesome?

As you fill a Ziploc sandwich bag halfway with a cup of
cornflakes, indulge yourself in some murderous thoughts. Press the
air out of the bag before you seal it. What kind of roommate finds
a dog on the street and thinks he can let it live in his room?
Without telling you? Sure, it’s cute, but he can’t take
care of a pet. He can barely take care of himself.

Direct your frustration at the bag, pounding the cornflakes with
your fists until the flakes have been reduced to coarse crumbs.
Pour the crumbs into a second saucer.

Don’t even glance at the puppy as you pour three
tablespoons of oil into a pan and turn the flame to medium.

Ignore his playful frolicking as you dip the chicken cutlets
first into the flour (making sure they’re fully coated), then
into the egg mixture and finally into the cornflake crumbs.

Remind yourself that it doesn’t matter how happy the dog
seems to be making your roommate ““ the apartment manager
doesn’t allow pets. Put the crumb-covered chicken into the
pan and cook for four minutes on each side, until the thickest
pieces are cooked through and the crumbs are only just starting to
burn.

Look at the puppy’s plaintive Muppet face and feel your
heart soften. You’ll help your roommate put up “found
dog” posters in the morning.

For now, toss the dog a piece of chicken. He’ll enjoy
it.

For a recipe card without all the antics, e-mail Raab at
[email protected].