Film dramatizes evolution of sex therapy

Do it in the car. Do it on an office desk. Do it somewhere
dangerous and forbidden. Do it with toys, with whipped cream. Do it
fully clothed. Fantasize, role play, pillow talk, and then do
it.

The advice that Diana Wiley gives her patients at the UCLA
Female Sexual Medicine Center is quite different from the
abstinence-only message of the past, which simply stated:
“Just don’t do it.”

As a licensed sex therapist, Wiley works with couples and
individuals to explore their sexuality, rekindle relationships, and
find a better sense of themselves. “The best lovers have a
real sense of self,” she said. “They have a respect for
who they are when they’re standing alone from their
partners.”

A lot has changed in the field of sex therapy over the years,
and now human sexuality is linked not only to individual
well-being, but also community health.

Today’s release of the film “Kinsey,” based on
a pioneering sexologist who conducted an expansive study of human
sexual behavior in the 1940s, brings to light many issues about the
evolving field of sexology and sex therapy.

Alfred Kinsey revolutionized the way sexuality was perceived by
establishing the Kinsey Scale, which rates sexual identity on a
scale of 0 to 6, with 0 being exclusively heterosexual and 6 being
exclusively homosexual. Ever since publishing his findings, the
field has been growing. “Sexual decision making is far more
serious and has far-reaching consequences,” said Gail Wyatt,
a professor of psychiatry and behavioral science and a sex
therapist at the UCLA Neuropsychiatric Institute. “We
didn’t know that when I first started ““ it was more of
a private concern, not something that would be a public health
epidemic, and certainly it is today.” Wyatt has worked with
researchers of the Kinsey Institute at the University of Indiana in
Bloomington, and compared the data of her current research to that
of Kinsey himself.

As indicated by the popularity of “Sex and the City”
reruns, among other things, sexuality has adopted a much more
prominent and comfortable place in society. But the open discussion
of sex in schools and in the media still faces resistance as
funding continues to be drained from sex research projects. Many of
the patients that both Wiley and Wyatt see still associate their
sexual behavior with guilt or shame, and have trouble talking about
their desires.

“Living in California, you get the sense that everybody
talks about these issues,” Wyatt said. “We don’t
have a national agenda, and if we did we’d be in a very
different place in terms of disease transmission and health
promotion; this is not an option; it’s a
requirement.”

The nature of their profession also continues to raise a few
eyebrows. Depending on the crowd, Wyatt sometimes just tells people
that she teaches.

“It’s looked upon as a curious profession,”
she said. “But I feel that, as the granddaughter of a
Methodist minister, if I could learn to be comfortable with
discussing these topics, anyone can, and they should.”

Wyatt is especially interested in the decision-making processes
of women of ethnic minorities when it comes to being sexually
active. Much of their behavior is often impacted and defined by
culture, religion and the birds and the bees.

“Sexuality is a survival need like drinking water and
breathing air,” Wyatt said. “Many people have been
raised to ignore it or to feel guilty about a sex drive, but
it’s normal and everyone needs to understand how they want to
express it.”

In the controversial realm of sex education in middle and high
schools, both Wyatt and Wiley said that studies have shown that
more information leads to educated decisions about sexual activity,
rather than the instigation of risky behavior. “When
teenagers get correct information, they behave more responsibility
and there’s less unwanted teenage pregnancy,” Wiley
said. “”˜Just don’t do it’ is silly and
irresponsible when hormones are raging.”

Furthermore, increasing age doesn’t necessarily mean less
rage.Wiley’s studies focus on the myths and stereotypes
associated with sexuality and aging, a hot topic in an era when a
“babyboomer” turns 50 every seven minutes. “The
perception about people remaining sexual with age has really
improved,” she said. “The good news is that with age
and maturity and perseverance, we all become better in
bed.”

Women, especially, need to maintain a healthy sex life as they
grow older, Wiley said. A robust sex life improves physiological
fitness as well as emotional health and self-esteem. “As a
sex therapist, we give a lot of home-play assignments and things to
jazz up the relationships because so many of these couples are
having really tepid sex ““ it’s functional, but
it’s not satisfying,” she said. “Many bedrooms
are in emotional deep freeze.”

Wiley sometimes advises couples to go on an intercourse ban and
explore other ways of sexual pleasure like “necking and
petting.”

“Our bodies are a potential erotic feast from the top of
our heads to the tip of our toes, and some people get stuck between
the legs,” she said. “That’s too bad because
there are all these other possibilities.”

But the future of human sexuality and relationships might
involve a refrain from intercourse that is not educational or
deliberate, but technologically assisted. “I see that there
will be less and less human contact between individuals because of
diseases and the Internet or a third party,” Wyatt said.
“Other ways to communicate with people without actually
seeing them will become more of the norm rather than the
exception.”

Wyatt predicts a more fluid society in which relationships will
be shorter as lines to the divorce court grow longer.

Meanwhile, sex therapists and sexologists from Kinsey onward
will continue to address human sexuality in the context of both
public health and individual development. “Personal growth
““ not sexual techniques ““makes sex better,” Wiley
said. “When you like yourself, it’s really the best
aphrodisiac that there is.”