True journalists change the world ““ and stay sane

Like many of the students who join the paper to fill these
pages, I once had a fascination with celebrities of a different
sort.

My own variety, distinct from the species spotted at Westwood
movie premieres, were a bit grayer on top, usually white and
inevitably more square.

Like former Gov. Gray Davis. The director of the Department of
Motor Vehicles, even. A handful of University of California
regents. The chancellor, Lt. Gov. Cruz Bustamante and Michael
Dukakis, to name a few more.

This interest in the news celebrities is like a devastating
sickness ““ both contagious and, I thought, incurable.

So those of us afflicted joined the Daily Bruin, hoping to get a
glimpse of that metaphorical red carpet, to feel the rush of
excitement from having Ward Connerly actually call us back. The
thrill of being recognized by the chancellor on campus, as if we
were in some secret Murphy Hall society. The absolute terror upon
hearing that we can ask the governor exactly one question ““
and he’ll be with us in two minutes.

But what happens when one loses that fascination with finding,
and reporting on, celebrity? When the news writers want to change
the world not by reporting on it, but by becoming the news makers
themselves?

I don’t think The Bruin has answered this question about
how to reconcile ““ and tease out ““ this split ambition
in its reporters. A few here have managed to negotiate the
difference by preserving their curiosity while resigning themselves
to knowing that the impact they have is by proxy. These, admirably,
are the journalists.

Others lose interest. Damned by disillusionment, frustration and
50-hour weeks, they resort to press-release inspiration. After
awhile, the prospect of simply reporting on the celebrities loses
its shininess: Interested in meeting the UC president? I
don’t think so. But becoming him? Perhaps.

Fluorescent lights and eight meetings a day might do it to you,
as might hour-long conversations about front-page bars, the purpose
of centerpieces, the placement of those sports columns and
Viewpoint art. Oh, the Viewpoint art.

Some eat it up. And some go crazy.

If a journalist doesn’t want to change the world, I
don’t know what she ““ or he ““ would be doing in a
newsroom to begin with. Certainly, writing anything for public
consumption on a regular basis requires one to have a bit of an
ego, a thick skin and something to say. But more than just a
microphone, this place is supposed to require something else
““ a reason to say it.

So what of the disillusioned? I think they’ll figure out
how to change the world, if they want to. They just might not do it
at a newspaper. To do that at a newspaper requires journalists to
be impressed by the world while knowing they can never conquer
it.

Jenkins was the 2003-2004 managing editor until February,
when she quit to become a news columnist and chose her own
adventure.