Stop focusing on others; embrace your own gifts

If only I were a little taller. Maybe if I were more buff.
Perhaps if I weren’t in this very place at this very
moment.

I’ve spent my entire life lusting after everything that
other people have. My prom dress didn’t look as good when I
stood next to other girls. I wasn’t as proud of my high
school reports when I found out someone else did better. When I was
3 years old, I looked forward to the day I could dye my hair blonde
to resemble Barbie instead of my Asian ancestry (yes, I was a bit
neurotic, even as a child).

The grass is always greener on the other side. No matter how
hard I tried, no matter how much I prayed to God, my side of the
grass only grew duller and duller with each comparison. As each
year passed, I met more and more extraordinary people. All of them
had something I felt deprived of.

This year I read a life-changing book about a man who valued the
simple joys of living far more than he treasured the things he was
denied. (And believe me, he was denied many things.)

“Let not our longing slay the appetite of our
living,” wrote Jim Elliot in his book. I realized I’ve
spent too much time wishing for more. Precious time was wasted
letting “if only” consume me. I’ve since
discovered that I’m a much more pleasant person when I can
love what I’ve been given and rejoice with people who I
envy.

I’ve found that if I spend my time embracing the gifts I
have and remember we’re all equally defined by both our
strengths and weaknesses, I can accept my weaknesses much more
graciously. I’ve found further contentment in escaping the
bonds of “self” by focusing on my faith. As C. S. Lewis
said, “To love and admire anything outside yourself is to
take one step away from utter spiritual ruin.”

True, my gifts sometimes don’t serve me so well. For
example, I can’t dance, I lip sync instead of sing, and I
struggle for a 3.0 in civil engineering. I’d rather have an
easy 4.0 and sing and dance like I’ve actually taken lessons.
But even then, most likely someone like Britney Spears would still
outshine me in those areas.

With this in mind, I’ve come up with a new attitude
““ why let the good things pass me by just because I’m
not a superstar? I’ve since discovered a particular fondness
for going down to Westwood for coffee and for reading with good
music in the background. (I recommend the David Crowder Band.) Just
let me do those things and I’ll be happy. Let me learn to
love what I can do and what I have.

Maybe one lucky day I’ll grow two inches, but why waste
time waiting around?

Hsieh was a 2003-2004 graphic artist.