Not So Glam Rock

MTV would like to project that every concert tour is completed
with a huge bus, four-star hotels, and arenas filled with
hysterical fans. But what about the smaller, struggling bands that
tour just as much as the big guys, sans the bus, the hotel, and
well, maybe even the plethora of fans? Lots of up-and-coming bands
tour, and some do so up to 10 months out of the year, but without
the rock star benefits.

Criss-crossing the country in a van playing small clubs can be
anything but glamorous, as rock bands Salem and Autopilot Off can
affirm. Based in Monroe, N.Y., Autopilot Off is now headlining a
U.S. tour, bringing along Salem, a band from Gainesville, Fla., as
the opening act. Both bands will play at the Troubadour
tonight.

While the hysteria may not necessarily be generated by an arena
of fans, touring with these bands is not without its madness.

“Well, we stayed at this kid’s house in Kansas City,
Mo., whom I’ll affectionately call Mongo,”
Salem’s 23-year-old vocalist Adam D’Zurrilla began.

After a wild night of death threats, pit bull chases, knives
stuck in the wall (holding up a Jason-style hockey mask no less),
and abhorrent filth, the guys finally got some much-needed
rest.

“So finally I fall asleep in that scum palace, the place
was disgusting, and I wake up with Mongo sitting by my face smoking
weed and watching midget porn,” D’Zurrilla
finished.

Not exactly room service.

But with small bands like Salem, arrangements are are not
usually made in advance, and sleeping at fans’ houses can
save a lot of money.

“We stayed with this kid in Montreal, and it looked like
he had a shotgun blast through the wall,” D’Zurrilla
said. “He had a cardboard thing in the wall where his shower
was, covering the shotgun blast. So I’m taking a shower at
this kid’s house and he pulls out the cardboard, and everyone
can see my “˜stuff’ because the hole went into the
kitchen.”

Salem also often stays at the homes of fans they meet after
shows instead of at hotels.

Contrary to the rock glam image, these fans are more often hosts
rather than hostesses.

“There’s never girls at shows, ever,”
D’Zurilla said with a sarcastic laugh. “There are
always girls that want to talk at shows, but I don’t
attribute that to us being “˜hot dudes in a
band.'” Most girls do want to talk about music. But
there are some places with some scene girls who are notorious for
talking to all the bands. I’ve come to learn where they are
and be mean to them or not talk to them.”

But for Autopilot Off, on major label Island Records, touring is
a little less rough around the edges. Though the band plays mostly
small clubs, it has done an entire run of the Vans Warped Tour.

“When you are on a small tour with a limited amount of
bands, the comraderie is there,” said Autopilot Off guitarist
Chris Hughes.

But friendliness isn’t the only thing generated by living
in close quarters for months at a time with a bunch of aggressive
rocker-type musicians.

“People start to clique off together, and there are
arguments,” Hughes said. “Then at night there’s
the barbecue and everybody’s out there. It’s like the
cafeteria, there’s drama, and someone’s always hooking
up with someone they aren’t supposed to.”

There is also a dangerous aspect of touring, as both bands have
been in serious accidents in their vans.

“It was our first day on tour with The Movielife and Brand
New in St. Louis. It was raining and Tom (Rankine, a guitarist) was
driving and I was up front,” D’Zurilla said. “I
think we got cut off or something. The wheels locked up and the
trailer whipped around. The trailer ripped off the back bumper and
the van flipped into a ditch and we all ended up on the roof of the
van.”

Salem was quite lucky, none of its members were injured in the
accident. And in the end, the trauma of the crash had a unifying
effect on the band.

“Everybody looked at each other and was like, are we
really in this, or do we want to call it quits and go home?”
said Salem’s 24-year-old guitar player, Jeremy Robertson.
“We finished the tour, and it was great.”

So what does a typical day on tour look like for this rock band
when it’s not crashing vehicles or waking up to interesting
situations?

“Get in the van. Sit around and wait until you get
somewhere. Sit around and wait until you’re told to load in
the equipment. Sit around and wait to play. Sit around and wait to
go home,” said Robertson in a deadpan tone.

“Oh my god, you are looking for a rope to hang
yourself,” said Hughes, also in reference to the many hours
of waiting. “But you learn to make use of the time. There is
so much downtime being in a band, and you can get bored really
fast. And that’s when you get into trouble.”

How can guys in rock bands be bored? Aren’t they too busy
drinking whiskey and throwing stuff out hotel windows to get
bored?

One really cool aspect of small touring bands is that they can
actually hang out with fans after shows, as opposed to being stuck
backstage and then shuffled out by security.

“E-mail is really a great way to keep in touch with
people,” said Hughes. “If you meet people and want to
stay in touch, I just say “˜e-mail me, it’s right on the
Web site.”

Touring is one of the most important aspects of being in a band,
whether the band plays to 100 people at the Troubadour or to 5,000
on the Warped Tour. It can be fun and mundane, sometimes a little
dangerous, but the cons are worth it when one gets to go home with
stories that could happen nowhere else but on the road.