Monday commentary: And on our left we have … a campus tour without the truth

If you’ve ever taken an organized tour in a foreign
country, you will remember the ubiquitous bubbly flag-waving guides
who unfailingly skip the bad restaurants, ignore the shady
neighborhoods, and use an English name to put their followers at
ease.

Well, UCLA has a domestic variety to call its very own. (The
names, however, are their own.)

Their job, in some ways, isn’t very difficult. Admissions
season is in full-swing; many parents, with college seniors in tow,
are just looking for a cheap T-shirt to prove that paying for those
miserable years of flute, French or pottery lessons was actually
worth it. Most tours, in fact, end in front of Ackerman Union
““ the perfect spot for families who want to load up on gear
plastered with the acronym.

UCLA is exceptionally lucky that way. The reputation alone
““ most of which still belongs to John Wooden ““ is
enough to draw in more applicants than any other school in the
country. More than a few high school seniors are probably swayed by
the weather or the address, which promises easy access to the beach
and Sunset Boulevard.

But for so many other reasons, the job of a campus tour guide
must be like having an alter-identity.

Unless they’re studying at a school other than this one,
these are the same people who must beg for PTE numbers in classes
that refuse to enroll more students because the TA’s contract
won’t accept them. They’re the same people who must
wait in line for same-day-only counseling appointments, only to
have them booked before 8:45 a.m.

And what about the students who must carry a part-time job to
pay for fee increases that the administration of their beloved
university has done nothing to prevent? One and the same. They
secretly worry, just like the rest of us, about what a degree from
this place is worth.

But they don’t tell their followers, who gather three
times daily to hear about the realities of campus life, academics
and the social scene.

In frightening numbers, many families making the rounds this
past week admitted their campus tours would be the determining
factor in making their college decisions. They didn’t have
time to sit in on classes attend a culture night, or talk to
students on the Hill about how safe the dorms really are.

So it explains why, when walking by Dodd Hall these days, we
might be reminded that the building in back is the UCLA School of
Law, named 16th in U.S. News and World Report’s most recent
law school rankings. And continuing north toward a strategically
placed emergency phone, we remember the campus is safely nestled
between Brentwood and Beverly Hills ““ in contrast to our
downtown rivals, someone might knowingly chuckle.

One mother even said her family was skipping out on the housing
tour to check out Rodeo Drive.

Goes to show how horribly influential the mere name of this
place has over students wanting to study here. It put many of us
under the same spell ““ I am here because I thought those four
little letters would look good on a résumé
““ but the reality of this campus is only sometimes
reflected in the optimistic stories retold by the cadre of tour
guides.

One exception: When I took my first campus tour, my mother
““ expecting the grunge of 1960s Berkeley, I suppose ““
remarked on how everyone’s clothing matches here. For some
reason, tour-ees are usually impressed to learn that “Legally
Blonde” was shot on campus. I, for one, don’t know why
they’re surprised.

E-mail [email protected] if you’ve come from the
streets of Sacramento to the freeways of L.A.