[Online] The Darkness offers a return to '80s rock stardom

Sequins. Leopard-print, bell-bottomed bodysuits. Teased hair.
What do all of these have in common, besides being all the rage in
the ’80s?

Well, they are all imperative to creating the image of The
Darkness, a British glam-rock band at the top of the charts in the
United Kingdom, and the band is ready to cross over to the States
to rock our proverbial socks off.

With its debut album “Permission to Land” at number
two on the charts overseas, it won’t be long before The
Darkness takes the United States by storm.

Through small blurbs and CD reviews in music magazines like
Blender and Alternative Press, The Darkness has been sneaking its
way into the periphery of American pop culture. With songs like
“Get Your Hands Off My Woman” and “Love on the
Rocks With No Ice,” the group comes across as the bastard
love child of Tenacious D and Iron Maiden, with Spinal Tap as the
wet nurse and David Bowie the first grade teacher.

Hopefully, the growing popularity of The Darkness will resurrect
a seemingly lost phenomenon: rock stars. Not pop stars, but rock
stars. Rock stars started to fade in the early ’90s, with the
rise of grunge anti-rock stars like Kurt Cobain and Eddie
Vedder.

As if that weren’t enough, the mid-1990s brought the rise
of bubble gum pop like Mariah Carey and boy bands like BoyzIIMen,
creating a sugary foundation for the subsequent teen pop craze of
Britney and all her wannabes. And today The Strokes and The White
Stripes are definitive of what’s “hip” these
days.

So through the twists and turns of the ’90s, we have had
no real rock stars. The last real rock stars died out when hair
metal faded out in the late ’80s. There are celebrities who
carried over from the ’80s who were rock stars then, but
settling down, having children and getting some nice porcelain
veneers (ahem, Jon Bon Jovi!) is an immediate disqualification.

Hopefully, with the rise of The Darkness we will see a comeback
of real rock stars. Let’s face it, pop stars are boring. They
only eat skinless chicken and can’t stay out late and party
because they don’t want to miss their early morning Pilates
session.

Look at how attached we are to Bennifer. They don’t do
anything! They go out to dinner, they go to movies, and maybe, if
they are frisky, they hit the beach or go shopping. Yet we
can’t get enough of them. Being deprived of trouble-making
rock stars has caused us to latch on to celebrities with boring
lifestyles.

So I’m ready for The Darkness to bring it back. I’m
talking about vandalized hotel rooms, drunk-in-public arrests,
prostitution scandals, cocaine busts and tapping solos in every
song. Every single one.

With falsetto vocals and Elvis-like bodysuits, rock stardom is
never far behind. So if you are sick of picking up US Weekly on
Thursdays and seeing the same people doing the same boring crap,
then check out The Darkness, and bring the youth of today what I
was denied growing up in the ’90s.

E-mail Marras your favorite rock star band at
[email protected].