Happiness comes from life’s little things

Simple pleasures are rarely the focus of opinionated literature,
due to their supposed lack of political or social relevance.

Elite intellectuals, afraid to abandon their safe zone of
conflict and controversy, continue to ignore the silly little
everyday discoveries and accomplishments that make life so
precious.

Well, the fruitless, fun-hating quest for deeper meaning ends
here.

“Should we recall the governor?” you insist on
asking.

My answer: Open a can of Sprite, drink it halfway down within a
minute, then put your ear against the opening in the top and listen
to the really cool sound it makes. Try it, and the gubernatorial
race becomes just an afterthought in your now-productive day.

“How about climbing UC fees?”

How about climbing UC trees? Seriously, there are like 13 good
climbing trees spread out around campus. At least four of them
would be ideal for a tree fort. But just so you know, I already
called the big sycamore in Dickson Court.

“But isn’t UCLA supposed to be producing the next
generation of forward-thinking, philosophical connoisseurs destined
to lead the state and nation to great heights?”

I wonder how many pencils I can get to stay in my hair at once.
Six. Pretty good for short hair. Well, time to call it a day.

Sure, this approach to life may seem juvenile and misguided in
the grand scheme of things. In fact, perhaps forgoing our advanced
cognitive abilities in favor of celebrating the most primitive
aspects of life makes us no better than the animals.

Hey, the animals don’t seem to mind the car tax.

Ultimately, one has a choice to make: Do I want to make a
difference?

Making a difference seems to entail goals, focus, effort and
passion ““ qualities all too apparent in the texts adjacent to
this one.

However is this “difference” necessarily
positive?

Wait, is that Frank from “Real World” over there?
That guy looks kind of like him. I think he wore that shirt in an
episode once. But I thought he was taller. No, it’s not him.
Someone just called him by another name.

What was I talking about? Iraq or something? Anyway.

Let it be known that in no way should the world’s horrors
and tragedies be downplayed in their significance. Clearly nothing
could be more unimportant than an individual encapsulated by his
own entertaining quirks.

But, ignorant as he may appear, he is happy. The world is
not.

I know, I know. People enjoy making their big statements. Heck,
even I protested once.

They gave us torches and we got to move our “sign
arm” in an up-and-down motion while yelling jargon at
passersby. People would honk and stuff. It was pretty sweet.

And that’s what counts.

Embracing the life of a simpleton, at least on occasion, will
make you a better person more than participating in any rally
will.

“Does this guy care about any issues affecting the world
we live in?” you’re wondering.

Well, it does kind of bother me that lots of space is fenced off
for campus construction. Usually I like to pretend that UCLA is the
world in Nintendo’s “Legend of Zelda” and that
each of my classes is a different level.

But with all the construction, I can’t visit the Lost
Forest or find the red ring anymore.

So, to the overachieving soul actively participating in seven
on-campus organizations and preparing for the upcoming grad school
application season: Take off your backpack, lie arms-tucked,
face-down on a grassy slope and just roll.

To the omniscient, tenured professor regularly clad in the most
eloquent of attire: show up to class in shorts and a novelty
T-shirt featuring a beer slogan, a strip club or the WWF.

And to the concerned first-year student with eyes glued to the
Viewpoint section of the Daily Bruin as she exits the dining hall
after a quick breakfast: Put the paper away now and count the
number of steps it takes to get from Dykstra Hall to Dodd Hall.
That way you won’t have to wonder anymore.

Watch debates and work for causes if you must. Just don’t
get all one-dimensional on me.

You can’t free Tibet today, but with a little dose of
simple pleasure, you can liberate yourself.

Green is a fifth-year business economics and history
student.