Long-distance bonds can flourish with hard work, understanding

Long-distance relationships tend to be a bit like baby sea
turtles ““ many thousands are conceived, hundreds come to
life, but an astonishingly small percentage of them actually
survive. Not surprisingly, newly graduated high school students
seem to have more than their fair share of relationships.

Once in a while, there is a couple that ““ to the surprise
of their skeptical, unromantic, pessimistic friends and family
““ manages to survive. I was in one of these relationships,
and although the relationship may not be extant today, I can attest
to the idea that long-distance relationships can work.

Why bother, you ask. Simply put, you don’t have to worry
about dating. Your partner is a point of continuity while you
adjust to a new lifestyle. You won’t be checking out the
hottie two seats to your left when you should be listening to the
professor. You can roll out of bed, throw on some sweats, and race
to class without caring how you look. You won’t be stressed
about the fact that you haven’t seen your honey in two weeks
because you had three papers to write.

It won’t matter that you show up at a party with your
friends instead of a date ““ and you can actually enjoy
yourself instead of desperately trying to impress a potential
partner. You have a ready excuse to turn down unwanted advances.
You can focus on academics and pursue other interests without
feeling guilty that you should be spending that time with your
partner. And, most importantly, you can enjoy the freedom of making
friends of both sexes without constantly evaluating their dating
potential.

Don’t get me wrong. Long-distance relationships
aren’t easy. Each person must be aware of the sacrifices
involved. This isn’t like high school. There’s no
breaking up during fourth period and making up in sixth. Trust and
commitment must be present on both sides of the relationship.
Maturity is key.

There are some commandments by which everyone attempting a
long-distance relationship must abide. First, a relationship cannot
work if one person is always paranoid that the other is cheating
““ although not actually cheating helps too. It will also not
work if the commitment is lopsided.

If one person contributes more toward making the relationship
work, that person is going to feel used and insecure. Next, realize
that your significant other will go out with friends on Saturday
nights, some of whom will be of the opposite sex. Platonic
friendships are not impossible. On the flip side, if you’re
the one going out, you must put forth the effort to call that night
or the next day ““ and be sensitive to the fact that a small
amount of insecurity (not paranoia) on the part of your other half
is normal.

Also, each of you must maintain and continue to strive for your
individual goals. Skipping baseball tryouts or a chemistry midterm
to visit your significant other will only induce bitterness and
regret, and can be used as ammunition during a fight. Trust me.

The last, most important, ultimate, unbreakable law of making a
long-distance relationship work is knowing when, how and why to
fib. Honesty is great so far as it goes, and it should certainly be
performed as often as possible. But no boyfriend is going to want
to know his girlfriend spent the evening playing beer pong with the
Pike boys. And no girlfriend wants to know her boyfriend played
strip poker with his co-ed study group. So long as you don’t
cross the line, enjoy yourself. Being in a committed relationship
doesn’t mean you can’t have fun. Just remember who
you’re talking to when you regale your partner with tales of
late night conversations about the philosophy of sex with a friend
of the opposite one.

Which brings me to my last point. Cut your significant other a
little slack. We’re only human, after all. Your partner is
going through the same things you are. It’s not about keeping
score. It’s about understanding and forgiveness.

A long-distance relationship will probably take more effort and
money than a normal relationship. And balancing such an undertaking
while adjusting to a brand new lifestyle, attempting to maintain
decent grades, and maybe even learning something is not for the
faint of heart. However, it is possible if a couple has maturity,
trust, compassion and a good understanding of the benefits of
fibbing, forgiveness and the golden rule.

Lewis is a second-year microbiology and molecular genetics
student.