Go Phishing for some lame tunes during summer

It’s hard to believe, but summer is nearly upon us. In
fact, this column will be my last for our beloved dB magazine for
quite some time. What, you might ask yourself, will I do without
another informative Headphone Master piece each week keeping me
up-to-date about the state of the hipster music world? Well fear
not; I’ll be faced, at least for awhile, with the same
dilemma.

You see, there comes a time for every grizzled music writer when
he must step back from the cutting edge and spend a few sunny
summer weeks getting back to his roots. Sometimes we need to be
reminded why we spend so much time waiting breathlessly for the
latest unmastered Radiohead leaks or poring over Elliott Smith
setlists. So when I get back home to San Francisco this summer,
I’ll be taking off my grumpy critic hat and having some fun.
So join me, if you will, as I give you a few suggestions for Summer
Fun with Lame Music.

1. Go to a radio station festival show:

Here in Los Angeles the obvious choice would be the KROQ Weenie
Roast. Up north you’re looking at LIVE 105’s BFD
festival. If you’re from out of state then maybe you have
summer, and maybe you listen to music during the summer, but we in
California don’t know about it and don’t want to know.
Back to the point, these shows are generally all-day music
festivals on multiple stages featuring the best (read worst) of
what mainstream rock radio has to offer. Here you will find your
Blink 182s, your Linkin Parks, your Systems of a Down. Here you
will find an endless supply of suburban metal 13-year-olds. So buy
some seats on the lawn, have a couple beers and some over-priced
barbeque, and just hang out for the day. Besides, you know there
are a couple bands playing that you like.

2. Go to a Phish show:

I know, I can’t believe I’m suggesting this myself.
But as much as I love to rag on the jam band scene, for pure fun
factor you can’t beat a Phish show. From the moment you park
and some flower child offers you green ganja cheesecake (true
story), you just get to hang out and dig that crazy hippy vibe.
Weird, but undeniably enjoyable.

3. Have a bonfire on the beach with Bob Marley on the
boombox:

Aside from its purely alliterative value, this is a great way to
reconnect with your high school buddies. Maybe bring a grill, a
cooler, an acoustic guitar, and just hang out and talk and sing,
but above all make sure you bring the reggae. You want the
appropriate beach party feeling, don’t you? Of course you
do.

4. Drive around with your windows down singing ’80s power
rock at the top of your lungs:

Bon Jovi’s “Livin’ on a Prayer,” Def
Leppard’s “Pour Some Sugar on Me,” Quiet
Riot’s “Cum on Feel the Noize.” These are just a
few of the rockin’ classics you can blast across your
car’s blown speakers, driving down the road, fist pumping out
the window. To enhance the effect, try wearing a baseball T-shirt
and screaming “You’re a butthole!” at
unsuspecting passers-by. This is the ultimate in summer rock
‘n’ roll.

If you’d like to ask the Headphone Master for any last
minute pieces of advice or just sweet nuthins e-mail him at
[email protected].