A modest proposal for U.S.

I have to admit that it took me quite a while to see the light.
Until recently I was very much opposed to this war on Iraq. As a
result of a recent epiphany, I am now so thankful to the U.S.
government and its mainstream media cohorts for their tireless
efforts in identifying and cleansing the world of all potential
threats to U.S. hegemony.

Thank God these noble warriors are all on the prowl, constantly
looking after my best interests. It really does make me feel quite
special. If not for their good intentions, I suspect that we all
might already be the deceased victims of that notorious Axis of
Evil.

Still, the more I think about it, the more uneasy I get.
It’s a big world; how can they possibly know that all those
supposedly harmless people are actually harmless? Should we not
just eliminate them all now, while we have the chance? We
can’t possibly trust all of those foreigners. Most of them
are too “stupid” to even speak our language. How could
they possibly understand the importance of having the United States
as their supreme leader?

I say we get rid of them now, before they have the chance to
breed any more potential terrorists!

We should initiate this effort by purging the nation of all who
look, speak or think outside of our righteous, imperialist focus.
After that we can take this show on the road and begin the swift
annihilation of all those residing outside of our borders. Just
think of the economic boost all of this “cleansing”
would provide!

After the “purge,” the world would finally be safe.
Or would it? I for one am a bit uncomfortable with the potential
threat that any one of my fellow American citizens might present in
the future.

Most worrisome is the youth. Those kids are just so
unpredictable. There is no telling whether or not they will adopt
our glorious values. What if they decide to change and attempt to
restructure society in a way that is not conducive to corporate
domination? Can we really afford to take that chance? We must act
immediately and decisively in doing what is just and right. As
Americans it is our moral responsibility to eliminate all potential
threats to world peace. God himself has given us the duty of
sorting out this mess.

It seems rather obvious to me that this end can only be reached
through the systematic extermination of all those under the age of
16. Parents, you must realize that your children could be drawn to
the dark side ““ the Axis of Evil. It may be a difficult
decision, but as our fearless leader President George W. Bush likes
to exclaim, “We must have resolve!”

I for one cannot think of a more powerful demonstration of this
resolve than the killing of our own children. This would send the
world a clear message: we are finally getting serious about this
war on terrorism.

It gives me chills just to think about how peaceful the planet
would be after the extermination of youth. The only remaining
potential threats would be you and me. I for one am willing to take
my own life in a show of solidarity to this war effort. If the rest
of you will follow me in this selfless act, the world will at last
be safe for humans. Then we will truly be able to live in
peace.

Greenfield is a third-year geography and environmental studies
student.