Editorial: Bunche Vending machines should be put on stilts

No member of the Daily Bruin editorial board was invited to last
week’s discussion about what should be done with the now
infamous vending machines outside of Bunche Hall. But we have some
solutions we think would make everyone happy.

Put the vending machines on stilts like the building they stand
outside of. Professors are upset about the vending machines because
they block their view of the greenery surrounding Bunche. Well, if
Bunche were on the ground, it would block everyone’s view of
the sculpture gardens. Elevation is the answer.

Paint the vending machines green ““ that way faculty would
still have a clear view of Bunche’s “greenery”
when they exit the elevators. To raise money for this, the College
of Letters & Science could create a Kiosk Enhancement Fee.

Convince a wealthy donor to pay for the moving of the machines.
A small plaque reading “The David Geffen Former Place of
Kiosk,” would preserve the memory for generations to come and
would allow for grass-viewing .

Pick the kiosk up and rotate it with helicopters and cranes, a
la the legendary rotation of Bunche decades ago. This way, less of
Bunche’s greenery would be blocked and orientation counselors
would have another story to tell freshmen.

The machines need inspectors – their untasty snacks could be
coverups for dangerous chemical or biological weapons. The best way
to remove this threat is through a preemptive airstrike. Just
imagine the harm they might cause if left alone.