Saddam Hussein: Iraqi leader or controlling dental hygienist?

Imagine that Saddam Hussein was more concerned with the body
odor of his fellow Iraqis than with the acquisition of weapons of
mass destruction.

Impossible? Perhaps.

Hilarious? Definitely.

While Osama bin Laden is hiding in some cave along the
Pakistan/Afghanistan border, his rival, Hussein, is busily
commenting on the hygiene of his subjects in a new 66 minute
documentary, titled “Uncle Saddam” by Joel Soler, a
French filmmaker. Surely the movie will reveal how the real Hussein
fraternizes with the people of Iraq; or, it will depict how removed
he is from people he so heartedly defends as victims of U.S.
sanctions rather than his own cruelty.

In a recent interview on Good Morning America, Joel Soler
discussed the documentary with host Charles Gibson. A translator
directly quotes Hussein in a segment as saying, “It’s
not appropriate for someone to attend a gathering or be with his
children with his body odor trailing behind him.” Charles
Gibson then iterated the importance Hussein places on dental
hygiene. Once again, the translator quotes, “If a woman
can’t afford to brush her teeth with toothpaste and
toothbrush, she should use her finger.”

So there you go. Uncle Saddam wants us all to wash regularly and
brush our teeth. As ridiculous as this may be, it is quite normal
for Hussein to issue these decrees.

Although Joel Soler’s film is a satirical critique on the
Iraqi leader it does expose a prominent characteristic of all
dictators. A dictator would like to assume total control over every
facet of a person’s life. Franco did it in Spain, closing the
country off from the world until his death in 1975. Mussolini tried
to do it in Italy ““ his fascist policies included a campaign
to increase the birth rate by awarding gold medals to women. Hitler
went one step further and incorporated the fascist rhetoric of
Mussolini’s “new man” into the doctrine of
“the master race,” eventually succeeding in
transforming the German state into a single-minded extension of his
own will; until the allies defeated him in 1945.

Now, Hussein is trying his hand at totalitarian rule. Providing
daily instructions for his people brings to mind horrible allusions
to Mao Zedong and the Great Leap Forward, which forced hundreds of
thousands of educated professionals, such as lawyers, teachers and
their families into labor camps and agricultural communes in the
countryside.

It’s a common trait for every dictator to believe he is
acting with the best of intentions for his people. However the uses
of the possessive “his” often disposes the people of
their own humanity. For example, Robespierre came to power as the
head of the Committee on Public Safety during the French
Revolution. Going about renaming the days of the week and the
months at first, he concluded his tenure as the leader of the
Directory by introducing the guillotine as the most humane form of
execution. In the end, Robespierre became the recipient of his own
policies and was replaced in quick succession by another dictator,
the more notable Napoleon Bonaparte. Napoleon tried to conquer the
whole of Europe until he confronted the terrible Russian winter and
an English general. The lesson to be learned is that all dictators
fail.

So Hussein wants us all to brush our teeth and bathe regularly.
Well, Hussein, you don’t have to tell us what to do. We hate
bad breath as much as we loathe you. So the next time we think of
dirty grime and mysterious items between our teeth, you’ll be
in our thoughts.

Magdaleno is a fourth-year political science student.