Webber should get his stories straight, learn to be good liar

I’ve come to the realization that the world can be divided
into two categories: good liars and bad liars. Good liars are those
who spin a web of wholly believable untruths, rarely get caught,
and on the outside chance they do, usually use their deception to
quickly extricate themselves from the situation.

Then we have the bad liars: those tangled in their own untruths,
who fumble the important facts and details of their stories, and
are laughably bad at trying to convince others of supposed
veracity. I’d like to present Chris Webber as a prototypical
example of the latter category.

I haven’t come here to criticize Chris Webber on the
allegations of accepting $280,000 from a booster while in high
school and college. I can’t even begin to describe my disgust
with the collegiate sports bureaucracy and its willful disregard
for the monetary temptation athletes must face. I bet it’s
pretty difficult for college players to see CBS shelling out two
billion dollars for the broadcasting rights of March Madness
basketball, and seeing none of the money offered to the very people
who create, promote and support this huge venture. It seems
feudalism maintains its former glory in collegiate sports.

Nevertheless, whether or not Webber took the money, I
don’t blame him too much. What I will blame Chris Webber for
is the man’s total lack of judgment and intelligence in going
about his business, and ultimately proving to be a very bad liar.
In fact, Chris Webber’s indictment was for lying to a grand
jury about taking money from a booster, not the act itself.

Perhaps a little historical basis should be presented to offer a
factual cornerstone for my allegations. Webber’s string of
public fiascoes started in Michigan with his Fab Five days, and one
of the most infamous events in NCAA basketball history. With 11
seconds left in the final game, down against North Carolina,
Webber, in possession of the ball, called a time-out ““ when
Michigan didn’t have any time-outs left. A technical foul was
called and it sealed the victory for North Carolina.

Webber is not a stranger to the label of criminal offender. He
cryptically claimed possession of a bag containing 11 grams of
marijuana in a Puerto Rico airport and got off lightly with a $500
fine. The same year, he was also charged with assault, resisting
arrest and marijuana possession while police officers pulled Webber
over at a traffic stop. Webber was pepper sprayed repeatedly,
jailed for the night, and issued a fine. His trial awaits him now,
with a maximum penalty of $250,000 and a five year prison
stint.

I have a sinking feeling Chris Webber doesn’t think things
through very much, and when he does it’s usually too late to
stop the backlash his actions create. For example, if I were Chris
Webber I’d deny every accusation coming my way, and let my
enormous basketball skills and wealth pave the way for escape from
my transgressions. For instance, during the time-out debacle I
would have claimed vehemently, “It wasn’t my fault. The
coaches were yelling at me to call time out, and the pressure made
me forget that we didn’t have any left.” Video evidence
supports this claim.

Watching many TV cop dramas, I’ve seen the wild and
baseless accusations cops throw out, just on a long shot the
criminal might have done the heinous deed and tearfully confess. So
it pains and confuses me to see Chris Webber so easily admitting to
marijuana possession. I never would’ve taken responsibility
for 11 grams of marijuana if I was Webber. I’d say,
“Hell no, that’s not my weed! That’s a
woman’s bag it’s carried in.”

In turn, Webber handled his traffic stop badly, assaulting
officers, getting caught with marijuana and generally making
himself look very oafish. A smart Webber would have used a
combination of cajolery (“Come on officer, I’m a
basketball star, you know we’re all good guys”) and
bribery (eschewing those of a monetary form but more in the way of
sports paraphernalia and game tickets) to disentangle himself from
the situation. Instead he got pepper sprayed, jailed and fined.

Chris Webber has a $123 million dollar contract with the
Sacramento Kings. He’s linked romantically with Tyra Banks.
He is famous, highly talented and has every reason to remain free
to continue his success. Yet, he seems to have learned very little
from his previous mistakes. With every new press conference, Webber
would change his story: from the amount of money he received, to
the nature of the money, his relationship with the booster that
supplied the funds, etc. Not adhering to one’s story is truly
the mark of an atrocious liar. Just look at Bill Clinton and his
“I did not have sexual relations with that woman”
speech, complete with well-timed finger pointing and a healthy dose
of righteous indignation at such an accusation for an example of
lying at its best. Although Clinton got caught in the end, I
can’t help but admire his skill.

Perhaps it all comes down to this: If you’re going to do
something stupid, you either have to ‘fess up and deal with it (not
something I generally advise) or become such a good liar that
accusations have no effect on you.

Webber may be learning slowly, now simultaneously allaying
negative public sentiment and vilifying the booster who
“befriended kids like myself, preying on our naivete”.
Playing the victim and sneakily shifting the subject of the trial
shows that Webber has wised up. Now, he should use his fame and
money to manipulate the media. Some people are born good liars;
others like Chris Webber have to work at it.