Squirrels Gone Wild
By Daily Bruin Staff
June 23, 2002 9:00 p.m.
By Marcelle Richards
DAILY BRUIN SENIOR STAFF
[email protected]
 TYSON EVANS/Daily Bruin Senior Staff
A squirrel stands perched on a trash bin outside Kerckhoff Hall.
Trash cans are squirrel sightning hot spots since the animals often
rummage for left overs.
The gray squirrel crouches in the scrub beneath a canopy of
canary Island pines in the uni outback. Crikey, she’s a big
one! She spots an unsuspecting human resting by the campus watering
hole, a Taco Bell burrito in hand. The poor bloke is prone to
squirrel ambushes due to his habitual nose-in-books behavior and
affinity for fast food. Scurrying from tree to tree, peeking around
the trunks, the squirrel maps out its plan of attack in calculated
squirrel leaps. The squirrel nudges closer, standing on its
haunches as it readies to hunt down the hunted. It’s a
face-off. The squirrel uses its secret weapon ““ the
I’m-so-cute-so-give-me-a-gobful squirrel stare of death. The
human is relentless, using his equally powerful defense mechanism
of feigned apathy, avoiding eye contact and ignoring the persistent
rodent. Winding back, wiggling its rump ““Â body language
for “your burrito is mine” ““ the squirrel bounds
forward as the human leaps and choffs off like a croc on fire. The
burrito, half-consumed and vulnerable in its peeled back waxed
paper wrapping lies helpless on the lawn as the squirrel wrangles
the bludger and drags it to a nearby tree, defying the signs that
read “do not feed the squirrels.” Love them or hate
them, squirrels are inseparable from the UCLA experience.
 JONATHAN YOUNG/Daily Bruin Senior Staff
A squirrel stares down the camera while scavenging for food near
Bruin Walk.
They are the unsounded campus power animal. Their die-hard
pursuits for food grace organic chemistry midterm questions; Spring
Sing lyrics reference “squirrel attacks”; they’ve
even become the re-occurring subject on squirrel-devotionist Web
sites. The Campus Squirrel Listings on Jon’s World O’
Squirrels site is among them with its rankings of 58 campuses
across the nation for squirrel-friendliness. UCLA placed with three
squirrel heads out of five, five being the most squirrel-friendly.
The explainer reads: “Some of (the squirrels) look underfed
and mangy. In general there is a shortage of squirrel-friendly
trees on this campus. Most of the students seem to have very little
interest in their “˜squirrel resources.'” Jon
Gottshall, a librarian for the Los Angeles Times, started the
rankings in 1995 while studying at California State University,
Fullerton. The rankings are based on e-mails messages and personal
experiences. The site gave California State University, Fullerton a
negative one ranking: “There was a colony of California
ground squirrels near the humanities building, until they POISONED
THEM ALL (printed in red letters).” Environmental Health
& Safety Director Rick Greenwood said UCLA does not do anything
to control its squirrel population. There are also no diseases
linked to squirrels on campus, though students should abstain from
feeding the squirrels to avoid being bitten. “They’re
wild animals,” Greenwood said. “Watch them but
don’t let them eat out of your hands.” The concept
seems to be understood as an unspoken rule as students take up
squirrel watching instead. “I always play with squirrels.
Serious,” said Peter Turman, a fifth-year religious studies
student and squirrel enthusiast. “They bring me joy.”
Turman likes to play peek-a-boo with squirrels. He chases a
squirrel around a tree, as it runs in the opposite direction around
the trunk, changing directions and repeating, in what the squirrel
may interpret to be a foreign mating ritual. Other inter-species
activity has crossed over into student residences. One neighborhood
squirrel makes regular visits to Armen Karapetian’s Westwood
apartment for treats. “He’ll come all the way to the
door,” said Karapetian, a third-year film student visiting
from UC Irvine. “If you put a trail for him he’ll come
all the way to the TV.” Students have also reported squirrels
falling from the sky. Amber Locke was taking a walk with her
brother down Kelton Avenue when her brother almost broke the
squirrel’s fall. “It landed an inch from my
brother’s head,” said Locke, a 1993 film alumna.
Another unfortunate squirrel hit the concrete as computer science
master’s student Raymond Pon passed a tree. “Thump! It
shook itself off and then walked off,” he said. “Like
super-squirrel.” Other squirrel sightings include a squirrel
drinking out of a Juicy Juice box using the straw, squirrels
popping out of trash cans and squirrels wrestling with each other.
Greenwood even received a call from a person who thought a squirrel
was stalking her. If squirrels could talk, perhaps they would think
the same about some humans. “I snuck up on a squirrel
once,” Locke said. “It screamed and yelled like it was
going to scratch my eyes out.” Visit Jon’s World
O’ Squirrels at www.gottshall.com/squirrels.
 Head: Campus Squirrel Listings
UCLA: “Gray Squirrels are fairly common at UCLA. They can
often be found around the trees near the Janss steps. Some of them
look underfed and mangy, however. In general there is a shortage of
squirrel-friendly trees on this campus. Most of the students seem
to have very little interest in their “˜squirrel
resources.'”
UC Berkeley: “The absolute best place I’ve found for a
squirrel session. The lush landscaping supports lots of big fluffy
Fox Squirrels, and many of the students and visitors there seem to
really appreciate them! There has been some discussion about
whether or not Stanford has better squirrels.”
UC Irvine: “I was a student here for four years and never
saw a single squirrel. Campus trees are mostly Eucalyptus and other
exotic stuff ““ worthless from a squirrel-watcher’s
perspective.”
Stanford: “The word is that Stanford has lots of squirrels
and lovely grounds for them, as well as woodpeckers, bluejays and
doves. There are large oaks and lots of wooded areas. There are
also lots of black squirrels, which cannot be found in many other
parts of the bay area. This campus really belongs to the
squirrels.”
Source: Jon Gottshall’s World O’ Squirrels.
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