Send troubles up in smoke on Saturday

EDITORIAL BOARD Editor in
Chief  Timothy Kudo

Managing Editor
 Michael Falcone

Viewpoint Editor
 Cuauhtemoc Ortega

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 Maegan Carberry
 Edward Chiao
 Kelly Rayburn

Editorial Board Assistants
 Maegan Carberry
 Edward Chiao

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Today marks the end of third week, and the stress of ensuing
midterms, papers and presentations is known to cause health
problems for some students. Fortunately, doctors around the world
recognize the benefits of marijuana as a cure for glaucoma, cancer,
multiple sclerosis, and epilepsy. It also alleviates the pain of
arthritis, migraines, menstrual cramps, alcohol and opiate
addiction, depression and debilitating mood disorders.

So, this Saturday, why not let medical marijuana solve your
health problems? It could help you with any of the following
conditions:

– Rieber rheumatism, Dykstra dementia, Hedrick herpes, Sproul
schizophrenia, Hitch hives, Saxon psychosis, De Neve diarrhea, and
Sunset seizures.

– It’ll help you come down from the ephedrine you took to
study for your first midterm.

– It delays vomiting for those with upset stomachs, particularly
those whose stomachs are upset as a result of the binge drinking
they did to make their Math 1A homework interesting.

– Relieves the pressure of the “triple bypass”
caused by UCLA On-Campus housing.

– Overdose at Diddy Reese.

– Crippling depression from your simultaneous rejection by every
one of UCLA’s fraternities and sororities.

Whatever condition you suffer from, take the opportunity to heal
this Saturday. Even if the federal government says you can’t
receive the attention you need and have a right to ““ 73
percent of Americans think your medical problems should be treated.
Let the people rule.