B-ball success is anyone’s guess, so fill in blanks with fun “˜Ag Libs’

  Jeff Agase An Ag Lib AGline! Agase is
(right about being self-absorbed/cynical/pretentious/a genius/a
moron). E-mail him at [email protected] with your Mad Lib UCLA
season recap.

Hey kids! Remember Mad Libs? C’mon, speak up, I know you
do!

Remember how cool it was to create an entire story just by
thinking of funny words to fill in the blanks? Well guess what? Mad
Libs work in college, too! But due to alleged (read:
paranoia-fueled) copyright concerns and the petty decrees of my
editors, I’ve changed the name (and format) to “Ag
Libs.”

Sure, it’s a little self-absorbed, but the first two
letters of my last name will honorably take the heat if this
totally flops.

You can’t use Ag Libs to write your English 4 paper, but
you can use them to write a season summary for the UCLA basketball
team ““ before the season even begins.

What wacky fun!

You see, the way things went the past two years for the Bruins,
with one unpredictable turn after another, your preseason Ag Lib
season recap could be just as accurate as a recap written by some
kind of basketball “expert.” Besides, I don’t
think Dick Vitale even knows what an adverb is!

So take out a pen and fill in or circle your favorite phrase in
the parentheses. When you’re all done, read the recap out
loud and tell mom and dad that you’re a journalist!

. . .

By (your name here)

Who would have known on Nov. 8 when the Bruins (opened the
season against/were so kind as to host/shockingly lost to) EA
Sports that the 2001-2002 season would leave Bruin fans (craving
more/disillusioned as usual).

From an early-season (win/loss/downright embarrassment) to Duke
in the final of the Maui Invitational to the Bruins’ last
game in the (Final Four/Sweet 16/NIT), UCLA proved its (nasty
adjective) critics to be (hopelessly in love with the ACC/dead-on
about the Bruins’ chronic inconsistency/more interested in
Steve Lavin’s hair products than the full-court press).

The Bruins routinely played in front of (a packed and rowdy
Pauley Pavilion/cynical, impossible to please alumni/students who
only came because they were snookered into a season ticket package)
and (did/did not) disappoint.

Luckily for UCLA, the preseason schedule didn’t include
many of the nation’s elite teams, such as
(Maryland/Illinois/Cal State Northridge), and the Bruins
(shockingly/not surprisingly) opened the season (7-0/4-3) while
riding the momentum of (last season’s hot streak/another
preseason chair-throwing incident).

But the real (sparks/letdown) came once Pac-10 play began. Coach
Lavin once again came under fire from (the same cynical alumni/the
same cynical alumni/the same cynical alumni), who called for (Rick
Pitino/Chancellor Albert Carnesale/Earl Jones) to replace Lavin and
stop the bleeding.

But a (seemingly Teflon-coated/cheerily resilient/noticeably
broken) Lavin saw his squad (bail him out with another improbable
February run/finally run out of gas in trying to keep him,
UCLA’s Rasputin, alive) when it (stormed its way through to
the Final Four/fizzled once again in the Sweet 16).

Whew! Another season in the books. (Go Bruins!/Good
riddance.)

. . .

There you have it ““ your very own UCLA basketball season
recap, before the Bruins have played a single game! Just
don’t be calling my editors and trying to take my job now,
OK?

Judging from just one microcosmic weekend last season, when UCLA
managed to both lose to Cal by 29 points and beat then-No. 1
Stanford in 48 hours, the only thing to expect from the Bruins is
““ you guessed it ““ the unexpected.

They’re the prohibitive favorite to take home the Pac-10
title, but history has proven that those who rely on what
“should” happen with this team are about as accurate as
someone at a Madison’s urinal.

When the Bruins take the court, it’s like Halloween in
Isla Vista ““ you just don’t know who or what is going
to show up. One week it’s a shocking last-second upset of
Arizona, the next week it’s a demoralizing, buzzer-beating
loss to Washington.

At least low-post hegemon and perennial Pac-10 heartthrob Thalo
Green finally graduated from U-Dub.

And you know what? A lot of other guys graduated (Stanford) or
fled (Arizona) from their respective Pac-10 schools. But not at
UCLA. The young guys stayed. So did the key older guys, save a guy
by the name of Earl Watson. Neither group would be very happy with
a Sweet 16 loss, and it’s hard to deny that this is Coach
Lavin’s strongest, most well-rounded team yet.

The imposing frontcourt duo of Matt Barnes and Dan Gadzuric
provides virtually every team in the nation with matchup problems.
Yes, even Duke, Mr. Vitale.

And sharpshooters Billy Knight and Jason Kapono can be dizzying
outside the arc when they find their strokes. Rico Hines and Ray
Young add over six years of combined experience to the mix.

Oh, and then there’s the 6-foot-6 point guard. You got it,
6-foot-6. Big Cedric Bozeman will run the show and be joined by
fellow freshman dazzlers Dijon Thompson and Andre Patterson.

All of this in one of the weaker years for the Pac-10 in recent
memory.

It’s almost enough to be absolutely sure of a stellar
season. Almost.

So watch out, UCLA skeptics, And watch out Ag Libbers. These
Bruins (may/may not) finally kick their reputation for consistent
inconsistency.