Halloween inspires the frightful out of Pac-10

  Adam Karon Karon wants to dress as Jim
Everett this Halloween. Those who would like to send comments or
accompany him dressed as Jim Rome can e-mail him at [email protected]. Click
Here for more articles by Adam Karon

Around this time each year students on college campuses
everywhere engage in a collective masquerade known as Halloween.
Donning their favorite costumes they celebrate the night before All
Hallows Day, honoring saints, the all-stars of past life. Honoring
heroes through changed behavior is nothing new to the sports
world. Chuck Knoblauch became a rag-arm to honor Steve
Sax. Carl Everett became a jerk to honor Albert Belle and
Barry Bonds and Ricky Henderson and Paul O’Neill
and”¦Â My younger brother recently started biting off ears
to honor Mike Tyson. He’s 19 years old. 

But back to Halloween. We all know what this holiday entails at
UCLA. Riot police, devils in red miniskirts and the occasional
streaker grace the streets of Westwood during what freaks and BCS
supporters consider the most important holiday of the year. But do
you know what goes on at other Pac-10 schools on Oct. 31?

Up in Eugene, Ore. they celebrate by forming ornate drumming
circles and trick-or-treating for pine nuts. Fans used to lament
the failures of the football team during Halloween, dressing up as
Elmer Fudd and shooting any member of the football team seen on
campus with the old Donald Duck logo. Now that times have changed
and their football team frequently wins, the liberal-minded
Oregonians have returned to their peacefully pungent circles where
they beat bongos and eagerly await track season. Underneath
their tie-dyed hemp sarongs they wear Nike shoes because hey,
they’d do anything to get more of Phil Knight’s
money.

The scene across the state in Corvallis presents a stark
contrast. Sports fans trick-or-treat for shotgun shells and cases
of Old Milwaukee’s Best to soothe the pain of a half-century
of apathy. They dress in many variations of the school mascot, and
some even manage to keep it tasteful. This year there will be
reports of a little lost boy named Ken Simonton III, who
hasn’t shown up on campus or the football field for the last
couple of weeks.

In Seattle, the fans usually content themselves with
trick-or-treating for java Rain-Ex, that stuff sold on after-hours
infomercials to keep rain off windshields. This year, they go door
to door looking for a healthy quarterback and a case of
Tan-in-a-Can for their head football coach. Because it rains in
Seattle 364 days a year, costumes are restricted to gigantic
condoms and plastic Space Needles.

Over in Pullman, Wash. they trick-or-treat for maps on which
Pullman actually appears. They also look for Rose Bowl wins, Ryan
Leaf’s NFL career, and other things that seem to have dropped
off the face of the earth.

In Tempe, Ariz. they trick-or-treat for applications, because
those with one gain admittance to the school. Costumes include
aliens, flying elephants, famous ASU basketball players and other
things that simply do not exist. 

In Tucson, Ariz. they may not be able to spell Halloween, but
they sure like to celebrate it. Students trick-or-treat for airline
tickets to fly to California, since half the school is from the
Golden State. Costumes include puka shells and flip-flops as
accessories to complement UC Santa Barbara tank tops, Cal Poly
visors, and apparel from other California schools that denied those
destined for the desert. However, fans console themselves with
the fact that they have won three synchronized swimming national
championships, and would be well on their way to a fourth if the
program hadn’t been cancelled years ago.

Stanford students trick-or-treat for social lives. Because these
are hard to come by in Palo Alto, they usually settle for
school-sponsored keggers or membership in the band, both of which
are enough to make any true Bruin cringe. Their costumes include
shirts listing SAT scores and high school grade point averages.

Across town ,the Cal students celebrate in a much different way.
The guys go door to door looking for victory in sports other than
rugby and water polo. Berkeley students don’t need to
purchase costumes. Every day looks like Halloween at our hallowed
sister campus. In fact, an original costume idea for students of
this “esteemed” university would be to wear close-toed
shoes, collared shirts, and the removal of all piercings below the
neck. There are even said to be ghosts haunting the campus from
when Berkeley used to have good football and basketball teams.

Which brings us to All Hallows Eve in Southern California. This
presents quite a predicament at USC. Students would love to
trick-or-treat for diplomas, jobs, and other things one might
obtain through college course work, but the neighborhood prevents
many from going out at night.

When it comes to costumes, the Trojans are a sight to behold.
First of all, there is an alleged photo in circulation of USC
quarterback Carson Palmer in a bunny suit. Anyone who would like to
see it run in the Daily Bruin should send an e-mail to the sports
editor. Those who do not wear rabbit ears and throw
interceptions do their best to impersonate the USC male
cheerleaders. Not the ones who do stunts, but the guys in
white sweaters who prance around in tiny shorts and check each
other’s rear ends for grass stains.

Which leaves us with Halloween in Bruinland. Rather than
misconstrue the reality of the scariest night of the year as I have
done with the rest of the conference, I will let you tell me what
UCLA students do on Halloween. E-mail me your stories and costume
ideas.

In the meantime, stop by my place on Oct. 31 where I’ll be
giving away Jim Everett rookie cards to the first 10
trick-or-treaters dressed in blue and gold.