Visit the wonder of the “˜Lemon Capital’
By Daily Bruin Staff
Sept. 23, 2001 9:00 p.m.
For more information on the lemon city, contact Lalas at
[email protected].
By Jonah Lalas
Located in the armpit of the Inland Empire, Corona is the
epitome of every college graduate’s dream home, and there are
many reasons why you should consider moving there after you
graduate from UCLA.
Imagine waking up in the morning to go hiking up the bleak,
brown, burnt hills and then looking out to see a blanket of smog
hovering over the city. And without a doubt, you will find living
in a neighborhood where all the houses look exactly alike a
liberating experience that will make your heart soar!
It’s no wonder that Corona is one of the fastest growing
communities in Southern California. The eastern and southern edges
of the town, once home to acres of orange groves, are now the sites
of major development companies. Recently a 12th McDonald’s
was built ““ now you can pick up a Big Mac on your way to
work, school, home, church and the park!
Every day, new houses are being built for young newlywed couples
in search of a nice, protective environment to raise their kids
away from welfare-seeking, drug-dealing minorities.
Take for instance the west hills, which many proud Coronians
like to call “Sierra del Oro.” In recent years it has
provided a home to an affluent, SUV-driving, God-fearing,
materialistic, politically-apathetic, overly-patriotic and racially
homogenous populace (roughly 70 percent white, 20 percent Asian, 10
percent Latino).
And while there are unconfirmed reports of an African-American
lurking in the area, police are working vigorously to apprehend and
assault the suspect.
One of the main streets in Corona is called “Sixth
Street.” Back in the day, Mexicans were not allowed to live
south of this street in order to keep the white neighborhoods
clean. In fact, as Stanley Reynolds and Fred Eldridge point out in
their book “Corona California Commentaries,” the local
police department patrolled the streets to make sure
“wetbacks” didn’t venture south of the street
after 6 p.m.
But don’t go blaming the past for today’s
segregation. We already had the ’60s and the Civil Rights
Movement, so all of you affirmative action, NAACP lunatics need to
get over it.
The apparent disparity in living and school conditions is not a
product of what you academics call “institutionalized
racism.” Maybe those minorities just need to get off their
lazy butts, start working and stop stealing government money
through their welfare checks.
But Corona does recognize the importance of minorities. Just go
to our multi-billion-dollar, state-of-the-art library, which may
not have bought enough books to fill its shelves, but does contain
a display called “Hispanic Heritage Month.”
It includes important historical items like menus of Mexican
restaurants in Corona, a photograph of a “Chicano”
baseball team in the 1920s, a piece of adobe, a glass fish and
“artifacts” that look like something out of an Indiana
Jones flick.
I’m sure the all-white city council and all-white Corona
Public Library Board of Trustees have enough of an education to
understand Mexican history. After all, Mexicans are good for
something: Corona is home to our world-famous Miguel’s
Mexican Restaurant and Cantina, where you’ll find the
notorious “Garbage Burrito.”
Sure, many Mexicans at one point worked 11-hour days for $9 a
week with no breaks in the fields, and they did help make Corona
the “Lemon Capital of the World,” but we can’t
forget that their most important contribution to the city is those
scrumptious bean and cheese burritos!
In Corona, you really feel a sense of community and the churches
(one on every other street corner) have played crucial roles in
promoting tolerance, understanding and wholesome family values.
For instance, Coronians were key supporters in passing
Proposition 22 two years ago, with house after house proudly
displaying signs supporting this noble initiative.
You see, we Coronians truly understand the importance of
maintaining the sacredness of our marriage, making sure those
queer-looking people who feel they have the right to hold hands
with someone of the same sex don’t hurt our families! In
Corona, your children will be safe from all sexual deviance.
But aside from the safe, minority- and drug-free neighborhoods
and the wholesome family atmosphere, you may have heard of Corona
because of our wonderful leaders. Who can forget our beloved
Republican congressman Ken Calvert and his intensive hands-on
research in the field of prostitution?
Though I can go on and on, my advice is to visit us and discover
for yourself the beauty and drunken magic that is Corona.
