Pajamas are for bed, not everyday living

Andy Garcia Garcia already knows he needs a
haircut. However, if you have anything else you want to say to him,
send it to [email protected]

By Andy Garcia

There’s an evil brewin’ at UCLA disguised as
adorably cute fuzzy animals. Beware fellow Bruins, this is a
serious epidemic and I think that it’s about high time
it’s eradicated.

Yes, I’m talking about pajamas. Sure, you may be saying
“But Andy, I like pajamas; Paul Frank is my homeboy. If
I’m not wearing flannel, I’m not happy!” To these
fiends, and the rest of you, I would suggest you read on and find
out about the cantankerous filth that such pajama wearers have
degraded this campus to.

Before I jump into my argument, let me get something straight: I
am not a pajama expert. I just know that pajamas are sleepwear. I
don’t know the history of pajamas or where the name pajama
came from.

If I had to take a guess as to the name’s origin, I would
say it came from some guy who was named Pajama. Since he had such a
funky name everyone made fun of him causing his parents
embarrassment, so they locked him in his room where all he did was
sleep.

Just because I haven’t read “The Norton Anthology of
Pajamas,” however, doesn’t mean I don’t have an
informed opinion on PJs. For one thing, I can say I am an
experienced wearer of pajamas. For as long as I can remember, I
have been intimately involved with my own sets of PJs.

And speaking from this experience, I can say that pajamas are
clothing that are strictly reserved for either sleeping in, or for
wearing when you are sick and spending all day in bed. No
exceptions ““ except maybe for an official “Take Your
Pajamas To Work Day.”

But this is exactly the problem; Why are so many fools wearing
pajamas to class and the dining halls? I know it doesn’t do
any physical damage, but to be blunt, it’s just plain
rude.

Now, I know most of you are going to tell me that what students
wear is none of my business, but alas, I must disagree.

Think about when college applicants come to visit our campus,
trying to make their final decision between attending UCLA or
attending another prestigious school, such as UC Merced. It
isn’t going to reflect well on our school for potential
students to see a bunch of imbeciles sitting in class, socializing
and doing other “fun college stuff” in their
pajamas.

Oh, and I know what the next debate is going to be, but let me
tell you, the situation is so out of hand here at UCLA that these
potential students would probably rather wait four years for UC
Merced to open to attend a “pajama-free campus.”

Look, I don’t sleep in your kitchen, so please do not wear
your pajamas in my dining halls (or at least the school’s
dining halls).

Do you think professors appreciate the fact that you
couldn’t put on real clothes to go to their lectures or
discussions? I’m personally proud of the world-renowned
faculty here at UCLA. But what’s with the pajama-wearing
students?

You may think that wearing pajamas isn’t that big of a
deal. However, just like people say marijuana is a “gateway
drug,” pajama wearing is “gateway rudeness.”One
day it’s improper clothing, the next day it’s using the
inside fork of a fancy table setting for eating salad.
Atrocious.

Let’s get another thing straight: I don’t care what
kind of pajamas or slippers you have. I already know what bears,
kittens, puppies, frogs, monkeys, butterflies, Mr. T and all other
cutesy animals look like.

These clothing items should be worn in your room. That’s
it. If you really want to wear your sleepwear to school, convince
your teacher to throw a pajama party. (It worked in second grade,
why not give it a try now?)

Some pajama proponents may argue that this is simply a new
trend, similar to bell-bottoms, sagging, or straight up wearing
your clothes backward like those rapping infants Kris Kross.

However, as somewhat intelligent students, we should be able to
realize that this new “fad” is impolite. Stop the
problem now folks. As of late, I pretty much just wear boxers at
night. I don’t exactly want to walk around
“free-balling” just so I can fit in with the sleepwear
crowd.

A wise man once said, “If you want to make the world a
better place take a look at yourself and then make a
change.”

See, even Michael Jackson wants us to make several changes:
change your outlook on pajamas, and then change into some real
clothes! Right now I can sympathize a lot with the late rapper
Tupac Shakur when he said, “I see no changes.”

In order to make sure that no one wears PJs in public, I have a
plan. No longer do we need to ask ourselves “What Would Jesus
Do?” (By the way, he probably wouldn’t be spending
money on cheesy bracelets or key chains). Instead, let’s
replace this question with an even more pressing and life-changing
philosophical curiosity: “WWHHNW? ““ What Would Hugh
Hefner Not Wear?”

So with this question in mind, go make that change!