Out-of-control parents teach young athletes bad behavior

  Amanda Fletcher Looks like Fletcher has
been taking her sports psychology class a little too seriously.
Send any comments to [email protected].

Back in the good ol’ days, I spent my life on the soccer
field. Now that I’m old and out of shape, I’ve become a
spectator, confined to the sidelines instead of on the field where
I should be.

I’ve recently become disturbed by the escalating issue of
sideline violence, specifically on behalf of parents.

On May 5, I travelled 90 minutes home to Riverside County
““ not the most exciting place, I know. From there my family
travelled 45 more minutes away from civilization to Perris to watch
my 9-year-old brother Nathan’s soccer game.

At half time, Nathan’s team was up 1-0, but by the middle
of the third quarter, they were down 1-2.

Now I can admit that the referee wasn’t the best in the
world, and he did seem to be the coach of the opposing team, but he
wasn’t making any life-threatening mistakes.

The real reason my brother’s team was losing was because
they weren’t playing as well as they did in the first
half.

Yet, after one particularly controversial call, two parents on
our sideline stood up and started yelling at the referee. The
official approached the sideline and told the parents that, if they
didn’t calm down, he’d eject them from the game.

Technically, parents in American Youth Soccer Organization
can’t be ejected. If they get riled up, the referee can only
eject the coach. This particular referee, whether unfamiliar with
the rules or too emotionally charged to care, ejected them anyway.
But instead of leaving quietly, the two parents continued to
argue.

Curse words abounded, and both sides made threats until the
official terminated the game.

The fight effectively took the outcome of the game out of the
players’ hands, and the final score was determined off the
field. The kids weren’t given the chance to come back to
regain the lead through hard work and skill. Instead, we all went
home wondering what had happened.

Unfortunately, this isn’t an isolated incident. There has
been an alarming increase in the severity and number of cases of
sideline violence. Though no one was physically injured this time,
such is not always the case.

In July of 2000, Michael Costin, a single father of four, was
pummeled to death by Thomas Junta, another father, after an
informal youth hockey practice in which each of their sons was
participating.

Sports Illustrated published a full story on the incident in its
July 24 issue. In it, SI noted the rising occurrence of such
violent acts by parents, which included but were not limited to the
following:

“¢bull; Police being called in to squelch a brawl last October
in which at least 50 parents and players went at one another at the
end of a football game involving 11- to 13-year-olds in Swiftwater,
Pa.

“¢bull; A soccer dad in Eastlake, Ohio, pleading no contest to a
charge of assault last September after he punched a 14-year-old boy
who had scuffled for the ball with the man’s 14-year-old son,
leading to both boys’ ejections. The father’s punch
split the victim’s lip. The man was sentenced to 10 days of
community service and ordered to undergo counseling.

“¢bull; A former corrections officer was sentenced to 30 days in
jail for assaulting a 16-year-old referee in La Vista, Neb., last
October at a flag football game for 6- and 7-year-old boys.

The worst part about such violent acts is that not only are
people getting physically injured, but the children involved are
receiving the wrong message on how to deal with loss and
disappointment in sport.

It’s the classic case of actions speaking louder than
words. If a parent starts a fight with an umpire or referee because
they don’t like a call, children are going to think that kind
of reaction is acceptable, even if they are told it’s
not.

Darrell J. Burnett, a sports psychologist, believes there are
two main reasons why parents lose it.

First, parents view participation in sports as a viable way to
earn scholarships and eventually make it to the pros. Second,
parents too often live vicariously through their children. In both
cases, mistakes are magnified, and winning becomes the signal of
success.

The funny thing is that, according to a study done by the
American Psychological Association Sports Psychology Division,
elite athletes are less concerned about the win/loss record than
about how their skills are developing.

As the future ex-athlete/volunteer coaches/soccer moms and dads
of the U.S., it’s up to us to make the sidelines safe places
for our kids.

Fortunately, many organizations and communities have taken it
upon themselves to develop programs and guidelines to fight
sideline violence.

The National Alliance for Youth Sports is putting on a national
summit to create an action plan and national guidelines geared
toward building a positive environment for youth sports.

Many cities around the country have also taken the problem of
parental violence in youth sports into their own hands.

Last year, El Paso implemented a Parents Association for Youth
Sports and mandated that all parents with children participating in
the city’s youth sports programs had to take a sportsmanship
training course. More than 800 people participated last summer.

In order to control sideline rage, certain AYSO regions in
Southern California have decided not to keep score or have
standings during the regular season in games where participating
children are under 13 years old.

These steps make “how you play the game” more
important than winning and losing and allow kids to concentrate on
skill development and having fun, which is the real goal.

It’s a sad day for youth sports when parents lose sight of
what’s important. Fortunately, most of the kids on my
brother’s team understood that what happened was not
acceptable or model behavior. They were mostly upset that they had
to travel 45 minutes to play a little over half a game and ended up
losing because two parents got out of hand.