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Introduce imagination to your sex life

By Daily Bruin Staff

April 26, 2001 9:00 p.m.

Chez Shadman Shadman is a third-year
international development studies student who enjoys the sound of a
cat’s purr. She can be reached at [email protected]. Click
for more articles by Chez Shadman

The first productive tool we learned as children was probably
the ability to read. I must admit that was an amazing time. After
all, a lot of a child’s imagination can come from a good
story. Remember “Where the Wild Things Are?” Now that
was an imagination booster. Yes, it was definitely books that
allowed us to go out on to the playground and reenact our favorite
fantasies. We must have lived such fulfilling lives back

Of course, with everything we have seen and experienced in our
lives thus far, maybe children’s books can’t do for us
now what they did then. Does that mean we stop with the fantasies?
Are we destined to live boring lives just because Dr. Seuss
doesn’t get us as excited today? Are we really going to let
our imagination sit there idle, collecting various forms of fungus?
I say certainly not!

There are thousands upon thousands of books out there that are
just waiting to take us on a trek through adventure. Naturally, I
don’t have to tell you about mystery, sci-fi or horror
““ you already know of these types. While books such as these
can take your mind on such fantastic mental trips, you can’t
really go on to the blacktop and relive the experience physically.
Don’t fret though. There still is a playground on which we as
adults can play: the sexual playground. For most people, this would
be the infamous bedroom, while for others, maybe an actual
playground (after hours, I would hope).

Now as kids, we were always looking for new adventures. We
constantly wanted to please our imaginations so as not to get
bored. So we read books and expanded our minds. I ask myself why
that is not the case today on our new playground.

Most people, when first becoming intimate with another, start
off “hot and heavy.” But that heat usually cools down
and eventually the two are trapped in the act of monotonous sex.
You know, it becomes this routine that you almost feel obligated to
do. Sure, it’s still fun and you get some pleasure out of it,
but you’re throwing away all the potential pleasure that is
lurking in the depths of your imagination. Have you seriously
forgotten how to bring your imagination out? Well my dear, books
are the key.

Our whole lives we have been reading books that excite and
stimulate our minds. Whether it was “Good Night Moon,”
“Romeo and Juliet” or even “Principles of
Economics,” books have changed our outlooks on life and the
way we think. We are still lacking, however, in our outlook on
sexuality. With so many books about sex on the market, it is a
wonder why so many people are still partaking in boring sex.

Too many people complain about their sexual experiences, saying
that they aren’t fun. Have you ever stopped to wonder why
that is? The reason could be your partner, but odds are you
aren’t putting enough of an effort into it yourself.

What happened to foreplay, toys and costumes? What happened to
experimentation? I’ll tell you what happened: we let go of
our imaginations. We rely too much on our partners’ ability
and not enough on what we can do ourselves to spice things up.

A big portion of the solution is in our hands. We need to think
of sex as the reenactment of our fantasies. Without an imagination,
those fantasies are non-existent. How many times did you play
make-believe as a kid without your inexhaustible imagination? Not
very often, I would assume, and if you did, it probably
wasn’t that fun.

The same reasoning applies in the area of sex. You absolutely
need a good imagination. A good way to get it back is to read a
book pertaining to sex. Now this can include anything from an
educational book to a “romance” novel or even to a porn
magazine. If you want to be that same child you were over a decade
ago ““ playing, laughing and living life ““ you need to
rediscover that prolific imagination you once knew so well. The
playground may have changed, but the driving force has not.

Some of you may be reading this and thinking, “I already
do the costumes, foreplay and even masturbation.” Good for
you, but it doesn’t have to stop there. Sexual intimacy
between two people can always be heightened through the use of new
methods such as tantric sex or even new sexual positions that may
increase stimulation for you or your partner. There is a plethora
of books on these topics and so much more if you just choose to
open your mind and delve back into the childhood you once knew so

After all, these books are put on the market by people who truly
have an enormous love for the topics relating to sex. The least we
could do is to humor them by purchasing one and reading it. Who
knows, you might really end up learning something new. What a
thought! Every sexual topic imaginable is just a bookstore

Have you always wanted to learn more about masturbation? Read a
book about it. Are you interested in trying different sexual
positions? Read a book about it. Are you trying to figure out how
to be more intimate with your partner? Read a book about it.

I recommend “The Art of Sexual Ecstasy,” by Margo
Anand. In her book, she shows the reader how two people can connect
intimately on a higher level through tantric sex and various other
positions that stimulate a person spiritually. The point is, there
are such wonderful opportunities out there in the world of books.
We just need to seek them out.

Sex has come a long way over the decades and I do believe we are
living in a very exciting time of experimentation. The topic of sex
is at the forefront of our culture, yet so many people still
approach it with such a timid attitude. This has to change. The
more open we are with our sexuality, the less repressed we will
feel sexually.

The wonderful aspect of our childhood was the fact that we were
never repressed mentally or physically. We never put limits on our
imagination and as a result we lived carefree lives. Granted, we
are now adults with responsibilities, but that doesn’t mean
that we need to be so serious in every aspect of our lives.

Sex doesn’t have to be another
“responsibility.” With the use of books, we can make
sex less of a chore and more of an adventure. Our sexual playground
does exist. We just need to make more of an effort to visit it on a
regular basis.

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