Westwood nightlife leaves much to be desired

  Nicole Seymour Seymour wants to wish
Papoose a happy March 8th next week. She loves him and their dear
son Daniel. E-mail her at [email protected].

According to conventional wisdom, college is supposed to be a
drinker’s paradise. But after four years as a UCLA student,
this is a paradise I have yet to discover. When I was still an
underage drinker, I imagined that soon, I’d be barhopping
near school every night, partying hard every weekend, and buying
friends drinks like there was no tomorrow. Little did I know that,
once I turned 21, not only would I not be able to afford this
college “lifestyle,” but I really wouldn’t want
to take part in it anywhere near this neighborhood.

When it comes to Westwood, the selection of fun, inexpensive
bars is pretty much nil. Of course, there are alleged
“college bars” like Maloney’s and Westwood
Brewing Company (or “Brew Co,” as the kids say), but
they’re not much for people on a budget, unless all you want
to drink is pitchers of beer. In fact, judging by the amount of
breweries and the frequency of frat parties, it would appear that
most people in Westwood are only interested in drinking beer. Where
are the true bars, the seedy joints that aren’t overcrowded,
overpriced and underwhelming? Not here, apparently.

Even moving on to the undeniably hipper part of the Westside,
West Hollywood, won’t help. In fact, there the situation
seems to be much worse. You have to be prepared to spend around 40
bucks to get blitzed, almost half of what I make in a week with my
part-time job. In fact, some of the prices at bars and hotels in
West Hollywood and even Hollywood are obscene.

$12.50 for a Long Island Iced Tea at The Standard? I have to
say, the one time I tried to order one, I laughed in the
waitress’s face when she told me. Eight dollars for one at
the Burgundy Room? Not outrageous but still pricey, especially for
a somewhat scary dump that’s packed up to the walls.

  Illustration by Jarrett Quon/Daily Bruin It seems all the
holes-in-the-wall, all the dives with charm that don’t cost
extra are few and far between if you live west of Vine. Colorful
drinking is simply sorely missing in this area of town, with the
exception of one or two establishments in Santa Monica. So, what is
the UCLA drinker who likes a cheap cocktail and a good
old-fashioned time to do? The way I see it, there are two options.
The one that doesn’t come with atmosphere is to just buy your
own booze. It’s not as glamorous, it’s a bit more of a
pain, and it often leads to semi or completely illegal activities.
But sometimes it’s the only choice.

For real party animals (i.e. those of you who would not be
content to sit home and drink), circumventing the party system with
your own cachet can take on two forms. One is the party-to-go,
which mainly consists of bringing the booze with you. Those who go
this route have to be prepared. It helps to always have some
plastic party cups in hand. That way, if you’re drinking in
the car (not while driving, of course), you can go undetected, and
you won’t end up breaking any glasses in a drunken
stupor.

Drinking in parking lots or whatever house you end up at
isn’t the only party-to-go option, though. You can still go
to a bar or club and have a good time ““ you just get drunk
first, somewhere, and then hit the bar. Now you’re ready for
dancing, you have enough liquid courage to try to score and you
haven’t shelled out any cash.

The other type of partying we pathetic buy-our-own types can
pull off is the stealth party package, a.k.a. stashing the beer
cans (or, if you’re really desperate, flask or thermos with
mixed drink inside) in your purse or bag. This also lends itself to
bar, as well as club and show auction, provided security
doesn’t search you (and don’t blame me if they do.)

You may raise suspicion by being in the bathroom stall for 20
minutes while you chug, but at least then you’ll be ready to
go and still have the cash flow. In fact, in some sleazier L.A.
clubs, especially downtown, the proprietors themselves brownbag it,
and they’ll merely wink and turn the other way when they
catch on to your devious ways.

Occasionally, there’s yet another option: art show
openings, which never charge entrance fees, almost always provide
free alcohol to attendees and they rarely check IDs. If
you’re a crafty (and poor) college kid like me, you can just
check the paper to find out when and where an opening is going on,
and show up at the gallery to drink.

Of course, sometimes there’s just no substitute for
throwing back a couple at a bar, chewing on some green olives and
then shamelessly and futilely trying to make friends or significant
others out of the people sitting at the stools next to you. In this
case, what we Bruins have to do is leave the land of West L.A. and
start exploring other neighborhoods.

In my own adventurous pursuit of drink, I’ve found that
Silverlake, Los Feliz, Echo Park and Atwater Village are all
chock-full of cheap and fun joints where you can abuse your liver.
And maybe the best part about these Eastside bars is that they come
with personality, starting with their names. Imagine a bar called
the Smog Cutter existing in Westwood Village. (What’s a Smog
Cutter? I don’t know. But at least it’s more creative
than Westwood Brewing Company.) Or imagine bars that feature free
salty popcorn right out of the machine, punk rock jukeboxes and
themed décor (such as a rustic cabin or a steamer ship)
existing on the Westside.

I’ve found all sorts of these places once I ventured out
of the UCLA radius ““ and I’ve saved a lot more money in
the meantime. Granted, sometimes it takes a little effort to get
out of Westwood when you’re “fiending” for a
drink, but once you do, you’ll be reminded that the journey
is worth it.

There you have it: Westwood may be a typical college town, but
it’s not a great locale for the true drinker, who likes their
booze cheap and their bars with a little atmosphere and a lot of
character (and who won’t suffer the elitism of frat party
guest lists).

So until we graduate from UCLA and move to where the drink is
economical and the bars are jauntily named ““ or until we get
“real” jobs ““ I guess we’ll have to keep
beating the system by exploring other bar options, or just
brownbagging it when we want a good time.