… love me not

By Matt Goulding
Daily Bruin Contributor

For those who aren’t fortunate enough to get a few extra
kisses or take in some top-notch French cuisine today,
Valentine’s Day serves to remind singles one important thing
about love: either you have it, or you don’t.

While couples will spend the day in one another’s arms,
reminding each other how lucky they should feel, most students at
UCLA will spend the holiday as they spend every other day:
single.

“It’s just one of those days that you either like or
you don’t,” said second-year undeclared student Lauren
O’Byrne. “If people don’t like it, it’s
obviously because they’re single.”

Singles life in Westwood can entail many different things; some
are looking for love, some want instant physical satisfaction, and
some would just prefer not to get caught up at all in the
hoopla.

For second-year biology student Amber Van Arnum, the love scene
here is just an extension of the image-conscious lifestyle that she
feels permeates Los Angeles.

“I think romantic love life here is all part of this
superficial plot in Los Angeles,” she said. “It’s
just one more thing to do after Jamba Juice and
Starbucks.”

This attitude, Van Arnum said, makes it difficult to form long
lasting relationships. As a result, she feels meaningless hook-ups
have become a staple of singles life at UCLA.

“There’s never going to be a time when you go to a
frat party and get together with a guy who will end up your
boyfriend,” she said. “It just doesn’t work like
that.”

Why, though, do people find it so difficult to find a serious
partner in this college setting?

“The social situations here don’t really cater to
long-term relationships,” said second year business economics
student Brad Sharp. “I think the combination of the college
party scene and the huge classes make it difficult to get serious
here. I’m still looking for friends, let alone
girlfriends.”  

For many others, like third-year political science student Ryan
Falvey, the problem goes beyond large numbers and parties.

“There’s an absence of personality amongst much of
the female population here,” Falvey said.
“There’s a lot of good-looking girls here, but it takes
more than just a pretty face and a good-looking body.”

While he said the feeling of anonymity and the large number of
students can create difficulty in making a relationship serious,
Falvey felt that it is not the male competition he is worried
about.

“I don’t even feel it from the guys. I feel the
competition from the girls,” Falvey said. “You have to
prove you’re better than them. It’s not intimidating,
it’s disturbing.”

While dissatisfied bachelors are quick to place the blame on
women, O’Bryne pointed out that many of the guys here leave
much to be desired.

“They’re cocky and they don’t really know how
to treat girls,” she said. “I think they’re
thinking way too much with their little head than with their big
brain. It seems like guys are rarely ever interested in getting to
know you.”

This anti-Valentine’s Day feeling, however, is by no means
limited to the heterosexual community.

“Aside from the fact that Valentine’s Day is so
commercialized, I’m just bitter about the fact that I
can’t find a good guy to date,” complained Steven P.
Waldon, second-year political science student and editor in chief
of TenPercent, UCLA’s lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender
newsmagazine.

Alexander Manos, bartender for the past four years at
Madison’s in Westwood, knows the dating game all too well. He
readily admits that in his 10 years of college bartending
experience, he has seen guys fare better with the ladies.

“The guys here, they don’t do a good job. Their
social skills aren’t up to par,” Manos said.
“Guys aren’t buying enough drinks for the ladies and
they need to learn some new pick up lines.”

Through his extensive exposure to the singles scene, Manos has
compiled a barrage of pick up lines, drink recipes and advice from
bartenders that he continually posts on his Web site.

Though Manos stressed the importance of male instigation,
fourth-year communications student Erin Richey said that not all
girls are so traditional.

“I don’t need a group of girls to hold my
hand,” said Richey. “If I see a guy who I might like,
I’ll walk up and talk to him. If he’s not interesting,
I’ll move on.

“A confident guy doesn’t need the “˜Can I buy
you a drink?’ approach. His presence should be enough,”
she continued.

Oftentimes the guy’s presence isn’t enough, but
Richey said she likes being single because being with someone who
is too dominating can inhibit a relationship.

“For the longest time I wasn’t happy alone until I
experienced a year by myself,” she said. “Now,
I’m totally happy. Because of that security, the next
relationship will be that much better.”

This year on Valentine’s Day, Richey suggested that the
singles, the broken hearts and the cynics embrace their freedom.
Love’s not always a luxury.