Oops, Britney’s music not ‘Like a Virgin’

  Illustration by GRACE HUANG/Daily Bruin

By Evan Marcus

This is ridiculous. Someone needs to inform the teeny boppers
that. Britney Spears is no Madonna. She never will be no matter how
many comparisons the media makes. To tell you the truth, it’s
like comparing Skinamax with real sex (and I’m not talking
about the HBO series), Natural Ice with Sam Adams, and that Home
Alone Kid with Ferris. They’re now calling her the heir
apparent to Madonna. Possibly Tiffany, but not Madonna?

Britney doesn’t have the message, the confidence in
herself to do something different, or the guts to start her own
trend. Just listen to “Dear Diary” ““ her personal
contribution to album number two. In fact she represents a new
breed of pop star, the record industry puppet.

Madonna was never that puppet. She has the strength to be
herself and everyone who loves her music knows it. Ask her old
record producers.

Let’s however compare the two some more … we at least
owe Britney that. Madonna is a sexual icon. Spears is, too, or at
least to people born after 1985. Madonna can dance. We’re so
sick of Britney’s moves that we almost have them memorized.
Madonna has millions of adoring fans. Britney also knows how to
pack a stadium or two. Justin only helped her out a few times.

Madonna’s fans flocked to record stores ever since
“Like a Virgin” monopolized the 1984 radio waves
(people were tiring of Reaganomics anyway). Nearly 15 years later,
Britney’s fans were humming “Hit Me Baby” all the
way to Tower Records. Now zoom far into the future. The year is
2001. Think Britney.

My cousin now owns this Britney Barbie doll. Britney has now
become a role model for American children … shhh … you’d
better not spread that around because she doesn’t want
that.

And we were silly enough to think it was ending! Britney mania
has hit again. It was as if God himself came to Earth and
proclaimed Britney as supreme ruler. The media informed the world
that a new hit, an astronomical stepping stone titled “Hit Me
Baby” … or was it “Oops I Did It Again”?
I’m so confused.

Although no guy at UCLA will ever admit it, we were all
downloading the music video. She just has such an incredible bod
… my bad, voice. She’s the most talented artist out there
too … look at the way her … make that the way she dances.

The reason I originally wrote this viewpoint was to question the
record industry, Britney’s talent and the quality of her top
hits. It all started last week while walking through Ackerman Union
with a friend. A new video popped up on the television screen near
Rubio’s. There was no volume, but we didn’t need to
listen. He and I were watching this Britney Spears/Mandi
Moore/Jessica Simpson/Jordan Hill-type girl in her debut video. And
then for a split second we had the same exact thought.

This video represents the loss of real music on Music
Television. It was “MTV Live” at its best. Watching
Carson Daly, waiting for that one moment. Meanwhile, I’m
actually telling myself that I’d much rather be watching
“Remote Control,” or “Singled Out”, or even
that pathetic Jenny McCarthy variety show.

The quintessential, awe-inspiring moment finally arrives in
which you get the first glimpse of that video. You peer at the
screen and know that by the middle of February, you’ll be so
incredibly annoyed with this addictive melody that you’ll
have to go buy the CD. You don’t even necessarily accept it
as “hit quality.” Give it a day. You’ll be,
however, one of the last ones to the store. Five million teeny
boppers will beat you by a split second. And MP3s are hurting the
record industry?

The music videos I enjoy, the music videos that I’m
guessing most of you enjoy, are gone. They’ve been
permanently relegated to MTV2, which most cable systems, including
my parent’s digital cable system, does not even carry.
I’d file a complaint with Adelphia, but then they’d
realize I paid off the cable guy … Ferris Bueller really is my
hero!

All this Britney talk leads to some even bigger questions. Why
do we listen to music? Is there still great music made today?
Although I am a firm believer in the “REM & U2: The Last
Great Bands” school of thought, there are so many talented
musicians, often struggling musicians (if you consider 23rd on the
Billboard Charts struggling), who aren’t just a pretty
face.

There’s something special about a band forming in the
tenth grade, fighting together and making it together.
There’s something special about that rollercoaster ride that
is finally relieved through the shock, utter disbelief, pride and
peace they feel the moment they sign their first record deal.

They love what they’re doing because it’s them. The
same four guys, who all had a crush on Emily Taylor in the sixth
grade, pulled three all nighters together in a last minute attempt
to salvage their sophomore chem grades and spent all their
band’s coffee shop profits on front row tickets to see the
Smashing Pumpkins.

This band’s first music video will not debut on MTV. At
least not when we want to watch. Give the teeny boppers what they
want ““ Carson, the crowd of tourists, the condom companies,
and the silly commentary of New York City high schoolers.

What makes Madonna the star she has become isn’t her body,
her sex appeal and probably not even her voice. She creates a new
self every time I see her. But the sparkle you see in her eyes, the
same one you could see in that struggling singer’s smile back
in 1984, tells the story. She created her own breaks, without the
help of Disney, the chord progressions of
“professional” song writers, and a two month tour
across the malls of America.

If there’s one piece of advice I can offer, it’s the
following: go back to your dorm room, apartment, wherever. Double
click on Napster. Download Travis’ “Hit Me
Baby.”

Maybe it wasn’t the Mickey Mouse Club after all.